The Beyotch List

So just yesterday I vowed to stop using the word beyotch. Funny how things change. I am sticking to my resolve of not saying it in front of my kids. But the use of the term The Beyotch List has long been established and I’m not at liberty to rename it. When I say The Beyotch List (in my head) I’m referring to the first 15 minutes of my husband walking through the front door after being gone for two-three weeks. It never fails that I start hearing things like, “Do we really need two kiddie pools in the yard killing my grass?” If his thought process is too elementary to understand why we need a hot tub plus a cool pool, then there is nothing I can do to help him. “Why are there stickers stuck all over my mantle?” Can’t he see that the world is our canvas and confining Izzy to an 8 1/2 by 11 piece of paper would seriously hinder her creativity long term? Besides it only took him 20 minutes to scrape those stickers off, obviously creating no lasting damage on his part. “Who gave Izzy crayons and why did we allow her to use them on the coffee table?” Actually this happened while I was scrubbing human fecal matter out of the car seat and I told him that public health issues have always taken precedence, besides those crayons are washable. As you can tell, I have solid answers for everything on The Beyotch List. But this, this I’m going to hear about. Someone has taken blue crayon to the couch. I can only assume that it was Izzy as Cam Cam has not discovered the joy of opposable thumbs. I can’t tell you when it happened other than within the last 48 hours. I can’t tell you where I was. I can’t tell you anything other than someone has taken blue crayon to the couch. Hmmmm I wonder if I can get Chase to buy the world is our canvass b.s. again? Maybe…



P.S. In case you are wondering, it was I who took the liberty of bolding and italicizing the extra words that Chase usually throws it in to subtlety kick his passive aggressive behavior up a level. What can I say? I taught him well ;)