Yes, He's a Dork

If you are seeing this post, consider yourself lucky. Chase is going to make me take it down the second that he sees it. But he's such a dork that I have to call him out once in a while. He has been texting me kiss photos in the morning and it really is hysterical. Chasey makes me laugh even when he's far away. One of the reasons that I love him.

Yes, I'm Crazy.

Katie decided some people in her life deserved a much needed night off and volunteered to take a few kids to the free movie at Ammon Elementary. Completely unassisted.

7 kids to be exact.

Here is a timeline on her how thought process went throughout the evening.

5:45: Wow, I have all the kids buckled in the car and we are going to be on time.

6:15: The movie has begun and all kids are in their seats quietly watching. And Kate Gosselin moans about eight. This is too easy.

6:30: Ok so five spilt juice boxes aren’t that big of deal. The stickiness on the bottom of my shoes is providing good traction and it will come off.

7:12: What movie are we at again? I’ve spent more time shuffling kids to the bathroom than anything else. 12 potty breaks so far. Note to self that juice boxes in the beginning of the movie not such a good idea.

7:45: Good thing we sat in the back. Six squirming kids playing skittle bowling in the aisles is only distracting me.

7:48: Ok it’s distracting other people.

7:50: No one’s listening to me. I’ll have to lay the smack down.

7:51: Wow that was a complete failure.

8:00: Ok movie is over. Everyone will need to grab someone’s hand and we will walk calmly to the car.

8:01: Holy CRAP! Where is everyone?

8:10: These kids haven't even eaten dinner. I’ll have to see if they are hungry.

8:10:30: I’ll take the chanting of McDonalds as a yes.

8:15: I understand they want to go in but that’s not going to happen. It will be easier to have them eat at my house.

8:30: Wow this should only take me about 10 hours to clean up.

9:00: Do these kids have parents?

9:10: I must be crazy. No one is listening to me.

9:30: Let them tear the house to bits playing Hide-In-Seek, I don’t care.

Even Cam Cam got into the festivities. She tried to get under the couch.

9:31: Ok I do care. Crawling up the drapes is not acceptable.

9:32: Back to not caring. I can’t pick which battle to fight. The drapes, the laundry soap or the linen closet.

9:33: Seriously, do these kids have parents?

10:00: EVERYONE IS GOING TO BED RIGHT NOW!!!!

And they did. If anyone has a room with padded walls available, please let me know.

A Destiny in the Making

Isabelle: When I grow up I want to be a pizza delivery boy.

Katie: Isabelle SHHHHHHHHHHH! Don’t tell your Dad and your Grandpa you know what that is. I hear it enough from them.

Isabelle: Look how good I’ll be. (Grabs the Papa Murphy’s Pizza, still wrapped in plastic, and presses it flat to her body. Pretends to push a doorbell). COME AND GET YOUR PIZZA RIGHT NOW!

Katie: You understand those people work for tips right? I hardly think a smashed pizza from a screaming lunatic is going to support the lifestyle you have become accustomed to.

Isabelle: So can I be a pizza delivery boy?

Katie: I suppose the mom inside of me should be telling you that you can be whatever you want to be. But can we spend some time thinking about it and possibly shoot a little higher?

Isabelle: Ok. I want to work at Dairy Queen when I grow up anyway.

My Side of the Story

Anyone who wants to read this tirade should feel more than welcome. Just be forewarned that it is incredibly one sided (MY SIDE) and will probably bore you to tears unless you have some kind of vested interest. As most people who enjoy writing do, I feel a therapeutic release when I jot things down on paper and that is really what I’m seeking. Because I have A LOT of hostility built up. Most of my Facebook friends know that I have been complaining about my living situation to no end as of late. No, my husband doesn’t beat me. Yes, my furnace works and I have running water. (Thank you everyone for your supportive messages, I’m sorry if you felt ignored but get ready for all your answers). But I have an unwanted house guest. And she thus far has refused to leave. The story begins: My brother-in-law has been staying with us for the past three years. Which in my current situation with my husband on the road, I have to say, it’s been nice to have someone take out the trash, mow the land and perform other “manly” duties without complaint. But one year ago, he got a girlfriend and everything went to heck. I DO understand that it is a natural process being that he is an unmarried 30 year old. But “Whitney” has put more strain on my being in one year than anything else I have ever been through. Please do not call me a drama queen. There is no way anyone can understand unless they have been there to. But within one week of her being in the picture, she started spending the night at my house. I can’t even begin to go in to how UNACCEPTABLE this was. I’m not running a hotel, a border house, a homeless shelter or any other establishment where people should feel as though they can come and go as they please. What I’m trying to do is provide an environment where two young girls can grow, flourish and learn the basis between right and wrong. I woke up the first morning, saw her vehicle and went ballistic inside my head. I woke up the second morning, saw her vehicle and went ballistic on my husband, who at the time, was somewhere in Utah I believe. Chase took the matter over and his brother swore it would never happen again. This translated into her leaving my house somewhere between 1 am and 4 am. For a light sleeper, this was not the solution I was looking for. Then in between that and her sometimes “accidentally” falling asleep, I was starting to have physical side effects. I swear this is the #1 reason my blood pressure was so high when I was pregnant with Cambri. I can’t even begin to explain to you my feelings of disappointment, disgust and overall pissiness I would feel when I saw her vehicle at my house in the morning. Then this transferred over to her sleeping on my couch, which I’m sure she wandered over to around 6 am. Still not even close to the acceptable range. This situation put unnecessary stress on my marriage because I really felt like Chase should handle this where he felt like Cody should respect me enough to listen and believed that he would. I have to say that if you have met my brother-in-law you would realize that he is very relaxed and go with the flow which is both good and bad. While I firmly believe he should have told Whitney right from the beginning, I do think that she just did what she wanted and he just never fought her. Everytime this happened I would be on the phone screaming, crying, to Chase and Chase would call Cody but nothing ever, ever got better. Beside all of this, Whitney seriously acted as if she owned the place. She would come over, cook dinner with my food and pots and pans and then wrap up all the leftovers with my products and put them in my fridge. It is seriously taking every once of self control not to go back and bold and italicize the word “my.” My house was not plumbed for, nor can realistically accommodate, a dishwasher. So I save environment by using less water and use a lot of paper products in my home. I got a set of very nice dishes from Chase’s aunt for my wedding (and I love them!!) but I do know they are out of print and I could never easily replace one. So, because they are MY DISHES (novel concept) I choose to only use them for special occasions. Whitney doesn’t like using paper, so she continued to use them and then leave them soaking in the sink for an extended period. Mind you I do have a set of regular, much cheaper dishes sitting in the same cabinet. Seeing her use them was like someone grating a cheese grater up and down my back and seriously would have probably felt better. Once again, I can’t put it into words. Whitney has three kids. Which she would bring over to play at my house regardless if Cody was home or not. Many a nap for my kids was RUDELY interrupted and essentially ruined without so much as a phone call to see if it was ok to come over. I can’t count the nights that I came home after a long day at work to a house full of people with the heat turned up and every light in the house on, regardless of who was in what room (a HUGE personal pet peeve especially because the utility bills are entirely Chase’s & my responsibility such is life when you own your home). Which brings me to the point that I don’t have one memory of Whitney knocking before she entered my home. She came and went as if she owned the place. Every night she was at my house when I got home. Every night. I remember so many times when I would hear her on the phone talking about “Cody’s house.” I would be screaming “WTH?!??!?!” inside my head, “Cody doesn’t have a house, he has a bedroom in Katie’s house.” Then the laundry started. She told me that she was afraid her stuff would get stolen from a laundry mat so she started hauling over her laundry to do at my house by the basket load. On the weekends. My only days off when, hold your breath, I LIKE TO DO MY LAUNDRY. Oh wait, I forgot to bring up the time when I walked into my house and found her best friend who just got out of prison sitting in my kitchen. Then she started parking in the driveway. The first time this happened my husband is likely to tell you he thought I was leaving for good. Take apart any of these complaints from the collective group and they seem minor. Put them together and spread them out everyday over a year and you can tell me how you would feel. The driveway pushed me over the edge. I was outraged. MY OWN DRIVEWAY WAS NOT SACRED. I went in to tell her and I found her in my shower using my hair care products. This falls into the category of going to get feminine hygiene products only to discover they have all been used. I know that my husband’s family found the driveway thing kind of petty but like I said before, you cannot understand until you have walked my shoes. During the last year, I have found prayer as the only way to deal with this nightmare. I would repeat Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets" over and over again until I found enough compassion to go on. Now that I’m 1300 words into this post, I haven’t even gone into the personality problems that she and I had. I don’t have the energy so just trust me when I say they were numerous. I can tell you that she treated my brother-in-law poorly in my opinion and constantly acted like he was beneath her. And the creepy way she treated my nephew. I’m not going to go into any of that. I can tell you that she didn’t like Chase (because she was convinced that he was trying to set Cody up with exgirlfriends for no other reason than he was friends with some of them on Facebook) so when he was home the problem wasn’t as bad. While this was good, because it was a MUCH needed break, it was bad because Chase never had to live it like I did. But things finally hit a head last weekend. She had the NERVE to come pounding on my door, ringing my doorbell and calling my phone at 10:30 at night to get into my house and then not show up the next morning to pick up my nephew even though she said she would and she knew I had to work. Throughout this year I have smiled when I didn’t feel like smiling, laughed at stuff that was not funny and otherwise been accepting of a situation that I felt unfixable. I have told my coworkers (my own personal therapists whose listening ears and sound advice saved me on numerous occasions) that I felt like the only solution to my problem was divorce court and I was by no means willing to do that. But that night, I finally had enough and she heard it from me on the phone and again the next day. I have to say that it FELT GOOD to stand up for myself even though it was through yelling and screaming, which I don’t like to do. And the cherry on top was that my brother-in-law finally decided that he was over it to. I’m praying that it sticks and they both move on to find relationships that are better for each. But for me, I’M FREE! And even if he does take her back, I already told her she is permanently banned from my house. I’M FREE, I’M FREE, I’M FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Babies All Grown Up

I’m hoping that I hold you

At least a hundred times before you grow

I want to tell you that I love you

And there are some things that you should know.

It’s been my utmost pleasure

To sit and watch you be

The blessings that I find in you

Mean the world to me.

Words cannot express

All the simple things you bring

It’s been a special journey

I wouldn’t change a thing.

I know one day I’ll miss this

The little girl you used to be

You’ll be grown up and moving on

No soul more proud than me.

A mom can't help but wish

That you’d stay small forever

Or that I could accompany you

On all your new endeavors.

What I want to tell you

One more time before you go

You’re the baby girl who changed my life

And I wanted you to know.

Valentine's Day Utah Style

The Burkes went to Salt Lake for the weekend.

We swam.

We looked at fish.

But best of all, we hung out with our Chasey.

Chase begged us to come down for the weekend but I have to be honest that I was a little hesitant being that traveling with two kids is A LOT of work. But then my Grandma called and asked for a ride to Ogden and my friend Paula wanted to get away for the weekend as well. So 1 senior citizen, 2 exhausted mothers and FOUR girls under the age of 4 set out for a combined 6 hours in the car hearing "She won't be my best friend." "She poked me" "She's being loud." The best phrase of the weekend was "I can't stop it. It's coming, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming. It's all done." In case you can't use your imagination, that was Izzy having an accident in the car and giving everyone a play by play. But there were a few highlights including Cambri swimming for the first time, visiting the aquarium and me getting a fabulous pedicure.

There are way worse ways to spend your weekend!

Downside of Text Messaging

There are a lot of good things about having your best friend watch your kids for you. Like they’re safe, well cared for, eating right blah, blah, blah. The downside of this situation is that she has your cell phone number, text messaging capabilities and she’s not afraid to use them. This is the predicament that I am in. During the day, I get random little gems from Paula like these:

"I’m in the kitchen feeding Cam when I hear a loud scream “mom” I go into Natasha’s room to find her tied to the bed post…Guess who did it?"

"Iz just causally announced ‘my dad says naughty words sometimes’ to everyone."

"The girls are playing house and Izzy is insisting on being the daddy. I had no idea she was so knowledgable on alternative lifestyles."

This one came with a photo.

"Aunt Paula shut the door' That's a direct quote. By the way she crawled in there by herself."

I’m always half excited, half extremely scared when my cell phone text message notice goes off. I always laugh when I read them but it’s more of a “I’m scared that my child is going to be one of those adults that eats live animals” kind of chuckle. Trust me when I say that it’s hard to explain to your boss why you need to leave early because your child may have caused a hostage situation at the babysitters. When my kids were at a daycare, I was always told I was welcome to call for status updates but it always seemed like a safety issue to pull someone away from an entire group of kids just so they could bring me up to date on the current shenanigans of my strong willed three year old. I got enough of the “Sammy bit Izzy today because she told him that he wasn’t her best friend anymore because he has peas for brains” notes in Isabelle’s locker to keep me in the loop. Now that Paula keeps me posted much more regularly, I’m finding out crazy things about my little girl. I’m also finding out what other people think of my parenting skills as Natasha so sweetly reminded me one morning. “Izzy ALWAYS looks like she has rats in her hair.” In the daycare days, I would slap a hat on Izzy’s unbrushed hair and feign surprise when they pulled it off by saying “Wow Izzy you sure get hat hair fast”. Sigh. Paula sees right through that time saving charade. But this new arrangement has become mutually beneficial for both parties as Paula pointed out, “There’s a lot more to laugh at now that Izzy comes by everyday. You never know what you are going to get.” And I kind of like it that way.

Ta Dah!

So it must be apparently obvious to all of you that Isabelle is extremely talented at a LOT of different things. Or so says her fervent mother who hasn’t been sleeping through the night in about seven months. Please don’t find me too annoying. But one of Izzy’s super new talents is a little thing called “taking pictures.” My little girl is a natural photographer! While some parents shy away at their toddler manhandling their $300 expenditure, I usually say “Go for it!” Now that I’m starting to connect these pieces in my head, I’m beginning to realize this may reason that my camera is currently not zooming in or out. Such is life. Actually, if I’m being totally honest, I like to use the camera as a distraction. Izzy can be entertained for hours by running through the house flinging my camera back and forth into walls, dropping it on the ground and otherwise being destructive. I justify this to my husband by pointing out that this means less time in front of the TV. Here is the portfolio that I’ve starting putting together for her. I will keep you posted on the response I get when I start shopping it around.

The Self Portait

The Action Shot

Miscellaneous Children (aka my adorable neice Marley)

Newborn shots (notice both of my hands are in the picture)

Nature Shot

All of these were taken by my little super genius. I can always count on Izzy to fill up my camera with 100+ shots every time she gets a hold of it. It's lots of fun when I'm trying to quickly import one photo, let me tell you. But I usually get a kick out what I see. This next picture actually took me a second to figure out. Can you guess what it is?  Here's a hint.

Please don't call Child Protective Services.

She's Really Not Afraid of Anything

I keep telling people that Izzy isn't afraid of anything. I don't know if people believe me or not so I copied and pasted this conversation that Paula and I had on Facebook last night.

8:09pm Paula "A ball got flushed down the toliet today and I am now waiting for my dad to come and snake it out."

8:10pm Katie "Oh shoot"

8:10pm Paula "After it happened, the three girls and I were all standing over the toliet looking in.You know me and my smart aleck ways. I say to the girls 'Who's gonna get it out?' My girls both jump back shreiking 'Gross the toliet"

8:11pm Katie "Please tell me you know who didn't volunter?"

8:11pm Paula "Natasha and Jhanna are still freaking out but not Izzy. She pushes up her sleeve. She doesn't even hesitate to stick her hand in the toliet."

8:11pm Katie  "Why me?"

8:11pm Paula "Don't worry, I didn't let it progress past the reach."

8:11pm Katie "Trust me when I say it really wouldn't have bothered her."

8:11pm Paula "I still hear Izzy's little voice saying, 'I can get it Aunt Paula."

You probably notice the absense of the question "Who exactly put the ball there in the first place?" I was too scared of what the answer would be.

Tough Love

My ladies have undertaken a new adventure. They are staying with Paula while I’m subjecting myself to inhumane torture (i.e. being at work when I would rather be at home). Just the other day, I was sitting at work, probably doing something SUPER important like deciding what my new speaking point will be when people start complaining about not having a food court in the mall (saying “What?!?!??! We don’t have a food court??? is starting to lose its appeal, I thinking of going with “Think of it as a long term solution to adult obesity” while I stare at their waste line) when Paula texted me this.

“The girls were playing house with Cam. I don’t think they understand that she is not a doll. I just heard her crying. The 3 girls were trying to put her in her car seat so they could ‘run errands.”

Poor Cam Cam. Those of you that know her know that it takes something fairly extreme to get her crying. She is going to be extra tough with three big sisters taking care of her. Acutally poor Paula. I couldn’t even begin to deal with the drama that FOUR girls can create. On a good day, I can barely handle two. Last weekend, Paula and I took the girls to the movies and they were bopping up and down and ramming into the seats of the people in front of them. That gives me EXTREME anxiety but Paula is much more chill about things, which is why my family is lucky to have her.

Taking the World Head On

There is a lot of good things about Izzy. ONE of the best things (& the worse;) is that she doesn’t take anything from anyone. Including me. While this can be a challenge for anyone parenting a strong willed three year old, I have no fear that anyone will walk on Izzy or try to take advantage of her. She won't let them. But back to the parenting lesson learned the hard way. Time out. Izzy is no good at time out which essentially means I’m no good at enforcing time out. But this weekend I knew I had no choice. I was working on my taxes and Izzy moved half of her play room out into the living room. And then refused to put them away.

Katie: Do you want to put your toys away or go to time out?

Izzy: Time out.

Katie: Shoot! I think I phrased that wrong. Do you want to put your toys away now or sit in time out and then put your toys away?

Izzy: I just want to sit in time out.

Katie: It’s not one or the other. Either way you are putting those toys away.

Izzy: No. You said if I go to time out I don’t have to put those toys away.

Katie: Are you and I having the same conversation?

Izzy: I’m going to time out. And with that, she stomped away.

Silly me, I actually thought I won one. After a few minutes things were very quiet. A little two quiet for an ADD three year old who ate nothing but fruit snacks for lunch. So I went in after her. I seriously couldn’t find her. And I looked in every room in the house several times. She likes to play hide and seek but she’s about as good at that game as her mom is at enforcing time out. So I started to freak a little. When all of a sudden, I got a little clue. I heard a giggle.

Then I saw a little hand.

And I found my little baby stuffed in a drawer underneath her bed.

Don't worry everyone. I tried to stay firm when I found her. It didn't go overly well.

Yes, Isabelle just wheels herself back under the bed when she decides the conversation is over. She oft becomes tired of listening to me.

I Need A Vacation

Chasey looooovvvveeesss taking me on vacation for my birthday. Who could blame him? Here is the short list of places that I'm considering.

Las Vegas!
This is the most economic of the choices considering you can fly from Idaho Falls right into Vegas for super cheap. Plus there are a few shows that I really want to see so there would be plenty to do. Of course, I have been to Vegas before. Not that I don't have fun, because I do, but it would be nice to go somewhere a little warmer. Besides last time I was there I WALKED from the Strip to the Palms while I was extremely pregnant. Those of you who know how far that is can understand why that has left a bad taste in my mouth. So maybe we should consider...

White Beaches! I don't really know where you find white sand but I want to find out. Then I want to go there. And I want to lay in the sand and forget everything that isn't fun to think about. And soak in the sun considering that it has been freaking freezing here lately. But we only have a few days to go on this dream vacation so I think I will leave this option open for when we have more time. Not that this picture doesn't make me want to hope on a plane and leave today. Right now in fact.

St. Louis! Just because I miss my sister, brother-in-law and little neice. They are super fun and I know we would have a good time. But they want me to bring the kids. And that just sounds like a lot of work. Especially when I already have a babysitter lined up. Oh what to do?

Me, Myself & I

Chase got called back to work early. He was supposed to be home all week long but after three days, they couldn't possibly go on without him. Of course they could not have needed him as much as I need him at home ;) The harsh realities of single motherhood set in for me. There are a few perks to my life. I don't have to share the covers, I watch what I want on TV and I cook a dinner that suits this picky eater. Wow, my little harrah list sounds a little more pathetic now that I see it in black and white. I hope you can tell that I'm just trying to make myself feel better because otherwise it would be easy to get depressed. At the end of the day though, I get to hang out with two of my most favorite people. Not so bad huh?