My Side of the Story

Anyone who wants to read this tirade should feel more than welcome. Just be forewarned that it is incredibly one sided (MY SIDE) and will probably bore you to tears unless you have some kind of vested interest. As most people who enjoy writing do, I feel a therapeutic release when I jot things down on paper and that is really what I’m seeking. Because I have A LOT of hostility built up. Most of my Facebook friends know that I have been complaining about my living situation to no end as of late. No, my husband doesn’t beat me. Yes, my furnace works and I have running water. (Thank you everyone for your supportive messages, I’m sorry if you felt ignored but get ready for all your answers). But I have an unwanted house guest. And she thus far has refused to leave. The story begins: My brother-in-law has been staying with us for the past three years. Which in my current situation with my husband on the road, I have to say, it’s been nice to have someone take out the trash, mow the land and perform other “manly” duties without complaint. But one year ago, he got a girlfriend and everything went to heck. I DO understand that it is a natural process being that he is an unmarried 30 year old. But “Whitney” has put more strain on my being in one year than anything else I have ever been through. Please do not call me a drama queen. There is no way anyone can understand unless they have been there to. But within one week of her being in the picture, she started spending the night at my house. I can’t even begin to go in to how UNACCEPTABLE this was. I’m not running a hotel, a border house, a homeless shelter or any other establishment where people should feel as though they can come and go as they please. What I’m trying to do is provide an environment where two young girls can grow, flourish and learn the basis between right and wrong. I woke up the first morning, saw her vehicle and went ballistic inside my head. I woke up the second morning, saw her vehicle and went ballistic on my husband, who at the time, was somewhere in Utah I believe. Chase took the matter over and his brother swore it would never happen again. This translated into her leaving my house somewhere between 1 am and 4 am. For a light sleeper, this was not the solution I was looking for. Then in between that and her sometimes “accidentally” falling asleep, I was starting to have physical side effects. I swear this is the #1 reason my blood pressure was so high when I was pregnant with Cambri. I can’t even begin to explain to you my feelings of disappointment, disgust and overall pissiness I would feel when I saw her vehicle at my house in the morning. Then this transferred over to her sleeping on my couch, which I’m sure she wandered over to around 6 am. Still not even close to the acceptable range. This situation put unnecessary stress on my marriage because I really felt like Chase should handle this where he felt like Cody should respect me enough to listen and believed that he would. I have to say that if you have met my brother-in-law you would realize that he is very relaxed and go with the flow which is both good and bad. While I firmly believe he should have told Whitney right from the beginning, I do think that she just did what she wanted and he just never fought her. Everytime this happened I would be on the phone screaming, crying, to Chase and Chase would call Cody but nothing ever, ever got better. Beside all of this, Whitney seriously acted as if she owned the place. She would come over, cook dinner with my food and pots and pans and then wrap up all the leftovers with my products and put them in my fridge. It is seriously taking every once of self control not to go back and bold and italicize the word “my.” My house was not plumbed for, nor can realistically accommodate, a dishwasher. So I save environment by using less water and use a lot of paper products in my home. I got a set of very nice dishes from Chase’s aunt for my wedding (and I love them!!) but I do know they are out of print and I could never easily replace one. So, because they are MY DISHES (novel concept) I choose to only use them for special occasions. Whitney doesn’t like using paper, so she continued to use them and then leave them soaking in the sink for an extended period. Mind you I do have a set of regular, much cheaper dishes sitting in the same cabinet. Seeing her use them was like someone grating a cheese grater up and down my back and seriously would have probably felt better. Once again, I can’t put it into words. Whitney has three kids. Which she would bring over to play at my house regardless if Cody was home or not. Many a nap for my kids was RUDELY interrupted and essentially ruined without so much as a phone call to see if it was ok to come over. I can’t count the nights that I came home after a long day at work to a house full of people with the heat turned up and every light in the house on, regardless of who was in what room (a HUGE personal pet peeve especially because the utility bills are entirely Chase’s & my responsibility such is life when you own your home). Which brings me to the point that I don’t have one memory of Whitney knocking before she entered my home. She came and went as if she owned the place. Every night she was at my house when I got home. Every night. I remember so many times when I would hear her on the phone talking about “Cody’s house.” I would be screaming “WTH?!??!?!” inside my head, “Cody doesn’t have a house, he has a bedroom in Katie’s house.” Then the laundry started. She told me that she was afraid her stuff would get stolen from a laundry mat so she started hauling over her laundry to do at my house by the basket load. On the weekends. My only days off when, hold your breath, I LIKE TO DO MY LAUNDRY. Oh wait, I forgot to bring up the time when I walked into my house and found her best friend who just got out of prison sitting in my kitchen. Then she started parking in the driveway. The first time this happened my husband is likely to tell you he thought I was leaving for good. Take apart any of these complaints from the collective group and they seem minor. Put them together and spread them out everyday over a year and you can tell me how you would feel. The driveway pushed me over the edge. I was outraged. MY OWN DRIVEWAY WAS NOT SACRED. I went in to tell her and I found her in my shower using my hair care products. This falls into the category of going to get feminine hygiene products only to discover they have all been used. I know that my husband’s family found the driveway thing kind of petty but like I said before, you cannot understand until you have walked my shoes. During the last year, I have found prayer as the only way to deal with this nightmare. I would repeat Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets" over and over again until I found enough compassion to go on. Now that I’m 1300 words into this post, I haven’t even gone into the personality problems that she and I had. I don’t have the energy so just trust me when I say they were numerous. I can tell you that she treated my brother-in-law poorly in my opinion and constantly acted like he was beneath her. And the creepy way she treated my nephew. I’m not going to go into any of that. I can tell you that she didn’t like Chase (because she was convinced that he was trying to set Cody up with exgirlfriends for no other reason than he was friends with some of them on Facebook) so when he was home the problem wasn’t as bad. While this was good, because it was a MUCH needed break, it was bad because Chase never had to live it like I did. But things finally hit a head last weekend. She had the NERVE to come pounding on my door, ringing my doorbell and calling my phone at 10:30 at night to get into my house and then not show up the next morning to pick up my nephew even though she said she would and she knew I had to work. Throughout this year I have smiled when I didn’t feel like smiling, laughed at stuff that was not funny and otherwise been accepting of a situation that I felt unfixable. I have told my coworkers (my own personal therapists whose listening ears and sound advice saved me on numerous occasions) that I felt like the only solution to my problem was divorce court and I was by no means willing to do that. But that night, I finally had enough and she heard it from me on the phone and again the next day. I have to say that it FELT GOOD to stand up for myself even though it was through yelling and screaming, which I don’t like to do. And the cherry on top was that my brother-in-law finally decided that he was over it to. I’m praying that it sticks and they both move on to find relationships that are better for each. But for me, I’M FREE! And even if he does take her back, I already told her she is permanently banned from my house. I’M FREE, I’M FREE, I’M FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!