Adventures in Un-Babysitting

Okay peeps, I was only gone for 15 minutes. All I wanted to do was run to the store and not have to schlep my kids with me. And Chuck volunteered to help.

But when I got home, things were amiss... the cookies had been broken into.

 And the culprit was at the table eating them.  At least she put on a bib. She's a clean thief if nothing else.

And no one was wearing pants. Well Chuck was wearing pants. Thank goodness. But no one else. 

Remember when I said I was only gone for 15 minutes? That may have been a slight exaggeration.

I was only gone for 12 minutes. But yet my babysitter was completely asleep.

And he was covered with every blanket in the house that was available for use. Courtesy of his loving granddaughters. 

And an hour later, when I had completely cooked dinner, I had to go wake him up. He had actually slept through a reposition.

Once again, coutesy of his granddaughters.

Anyone else need an un-babysitter? I believe he may be available for hire on nights and weekends...

Bug Juice in my Coach Bag Excludes Me From Being a Terroist

 You know that fairy tale version of the story where you single handily travel across the country via plane with two small children and everything goes beautifully?

Where people congratulate you on "what wonderful children you have" as they deboard the plan.

The one where they sit quietly looking out the window the whole time you are in the air.

Well this happened to me last week.

Just kidding peeps.

Really just kidding.

What you don't see in this picture is that the kids mouths' have been covered with duct tape by the other patrons on the plane.

When Izzy, Cambri and I left for Quincy, it got off to a beautiful start. My dad kept the girls the night before so that I would be well rested. I left from Idaho Falls which requires arriving at the airport 1 hour prior to departure and checked in while my sweet children played tag with nonparticipating TSA workers. I just pretended to be shocked at people who randomly let their children run around unsupervised. But it's nice to be in a airport that only has a small handful of people instead of an international airport that is jammed packed.

It quickly went downhill. Every time I recount the story, my blood pressure starts to rise. Let's just say there was a ton of crying and screaming. And from the kids too!

There was fighting. And fit throwing. And a general throwing of items including but not limited to crayons, suckers, tangerines, Toy Story figurines and anything else I tried to give them in a feeble attempt to buy some silence.

Cam Cam got her head stuck between the seats. The poor sleeping guy that lifted his arm to see a smiling baby in his armpit, with her head completely jammed, jumped a mile out of his chair. When it takes two flight attendants and individually wrapped butter servings to save your child, it makes for a long day.

The absolute highlight of the airplane trip was when Isabelle stuck her arm up through my sleeve and accused me on not wearing a bra.

Very loudly.

Just in case you were wondering, I did have a bra on. Not that I planned on standing up to announce that or that anyone would have believed me. Awkward moment peeps. Very awkward.

You would think that this couldn't get any worse. But it kind of did. On the way home Cambri spilled Bug Juice on the man in the Gucci suit seating next to me. Ironically you really aren't supposed to bring your own beverages through security but the TSA worker let the Bug Juice go instead of making me throw it away because "no terrorist would dare put bottles of Bug Juice in their Coach purse, only a desperate mom." I guess I can have my airplane seat neighbor send his dry cleaning bill to her.

Chase knew of my horrible experience traveling to St. Louis so because we were all flying back together, he volunteered to do my a "favor" and let me have his first class seat.

And he would sacrifice himself and fly coach with Izzy. As long as I took Cambri.

Just so that you can all keep up, Chase volunteered to take 50% of our children (and trust me when I say he left me with the wild card) and do me a "favor."

For the love, this isn't a favor. It's called PARENTING. I chose to throw him a bone and not call him out in the airport because it was obviously a lapse in judgement in an overall very good person . I was secretly (& unsecretly being that I told him at least three times) hoping that he would volunteer to take both of them. But because Franklin Covery taught me it's only official if you keep score, I'm going to jot down the facts here.

Katie- Extremely Bad Trip Out
           Extremely Bad Trip Home

Chase- Wonderful Trip Out (He came straight from work two days after we arrived.)
            Average to Ok Trip Home (Izzy was very good for the most part. He claimed he didn't hear any of Cam Cam's 20 minute screaming tirade. Insert eye roll here.)

Chasey loves me more than anything so I know he really didn't think things would go so bad so quickly.

Who got screwed? ME! Yes I was in first class which is SO nice. But call me crazy, I got the vibe that if you actually pay to ride in first class, you REALLY hate it when you have a young child screaming in your ear. In fact, you openly complain about it to anyone who will listen.

Especially when you get Bug Juice spilled down your extremely expensive suit. I have to tell you that the man who took the orange  shower was extremely gracious and I was humbled by his understanding. I suspected it was a very nice suit but it was confirmed when he said "it's only Gucci." Needless to say I was very glad to get off the plane and run for the cover of my home.

Seriously next time you are in a airplane and you hear a desperate voice over the loudspeaker, letting you know she is in fact wearing a bra, we are probably on the same flight. Give yourself an early birthday present and sit far, very far, away from my children. Maybe I'll join you.

Don't Shoot!

I haven't forgotten about my blog. It only seems this way because I have been on vacation.

Well if you call six people traveling in one car across the country a vacation. But I don't have one picture to show of our good time because I lost my camera. I was freaking out the day we left because I didn't want to leave without it. So Chase and I ran around and finally located the camera.

 Guess what? I left without it. And now I really CAN'T find it. I have torn the house apart at least a dozen times since I have been home and it is nowhere to be found.

This is pretty much the story of my life, so I'm not concerned.

But I have no photo documentation of any of the trip. And I don't want to bore you with the details. The point of the matter is that we drove through eight states and had a great time.

We got to spend Christmas with Heidi, Josh & Marley which was naturally awesome. I saw my Missouri family and spent New Year's with my aunt.

I even got to see my nephew who recently moved to Denver. Izzy and  I were over the moon excited. Cam Cam came along out of requirement. That is the story of her life.

The one time on the trip I really REALLY wished I had my camera was when Braxton gave Izzy a controller to his new PS3 to teach her how to play. Cambri grabbed one to and sat on her knees, just like the big kids. It was very sweet, but you will have to take my word for it.

While visiting Braxton, we went to the Butterfly Emporium of Denver. It was neat.

And while I don't have any pictures, I have a 19 second video clip on why 18 month old babies shouldn't be allowed to visit.

Please ignore my dirty shoes. I had just walked through an unplowed parking lot.

I was mortified.

And five minutes after this was taken, Cam Cam took a leap off the top of a three step stepladder. And I reached out to grab her and caught her by the tips of four fingers on a single hand.

And pulled the elbow right out of the socket. We spent 2 hours in an urgent care center.

Now all of you can rest easily at night knowing that the poor butterfly was vindicated. And Cambri got her first lesson in what we like to refer to as "what goes around, comes around."

Too bad it didn't register.

We Create Kids That Only Their Parents Can Love

I took this picture of Cam Cam because Chase and I thought she looked so cute. Upon further review, I realized this is not a good angle. It makes her look like she has a crooked neck. Sad! But in the moment, Chase and I were amazed at her cuteness. Obviously we think she's cute, we are her parents for hells sake. I was concerned about our judgement after I saw this picture blown up.  

But then I realized that Cambri is pretty freaking cute. She is a crack up. She really loves her shoes. First thing in the morning, she get up and goes and gets me a pair of shoes to put on her with her pj's. Right now, her boots are the cat's meow. I love this kid.  

Cam Cam got her first haircut, courtesy of my dad. He didn't actually do the cutting just the transporting and the paying.

Which panicked my sister to the millionth degree. I was sitting in class and I kept getting text messages from her.

Heidi: I cannot believe u let dad take camcam for a haircut.

Katie: Why?

Heidi: I guess I was more protective of M's baby hair. I am surprised u trusted dad. Wasn't he behind your infamous Elvis cut?

The haircut she is referencing is this one where Chuck took my hair from this:

to this:

And this peeps is the much grown out version. It was horrible.

Being that I got busy in class, you know learning, I never responded to her last text message. And after class, I had four text messages built up from her.

Heidi: Is the elvis haircut a touchy subject.

Heidi: R u mad at me?

Heidi: KK quit ignoring me!!

Heidi: I'm sorry I deeply offended you!! I will never bring up past haircuts again.

I was laughing to myself regarding what a freak show this girl is. She really is too much.

But I also had a message from my dad. It contained this photo.

I now call Cam Cam "The Helmet Head."

Her haircut is like a boy bowl cut. But at least it's out of her eyes. And I'm just grateful that someone cared enough about me and my kids to pitch in and help out. Eternally grateful. I still am.

But when I got to my Dad's house to pick the girls up later that night, he did say something that concerned me.

Chuck: All three of us had haircuts tonight.

Katie: Oh?

Chuck: I told them to cut Izzy's hair off because she never brushes it.

Katie: What?

Chuck: Like yours used to be.

Katie: OMG

Chuck: But she told them she was growing it out.

Katie: OMG

Chuck: So she promised the girl that she would brush it and I decided I would give her one more chance. But next time she doesn't let us brush it, I'm taking her back and having it cut off.

Needless to say peeps, I'm revoking his babysitting privileges.

Slap With Me The Bad Mom Stick

Someone hit me. It just occurred to me that in this forum, the place where I love to talk about my kids most, I never mentioned that Cam Cam learned to walk.

And it happened two months ago.

I know that all of you in blogworld would get a kick out of her little tottle. I do! It's so cute. Sometimes she gets really excited and tries to run.

It doesn't go well. And she usually falls down.

And Izzy and I laugh and laugh.

It may sound cruel but it's not. I am not a coordinated person so I know that she gets it from me. She looks like a crippled monkey trying to move quickly. I should get it on tape and bore all of you by posting it here. It's really that cute.

So next time you see little Cam Cam, grab a treat and encourage her to run to you. I am giving you permission to laugh when she falls down.

 She's used to it.

The House Fairy Makes Me Beat You

My friend Paula invented the house fairy in order to motivate her children. It's a fairly basic concept. If you make your bed and keep your room clean, then the house fairy comes and leaves you presents. Isabelle has completely and utterly latched onto this concept. Every morning, she jumps out of bed and make it before even leaving to use the restroom. Once the house fairy actually made an appearance at the Golicova household, she was especially excited. Here is an actual conversation that went down last week. When she realized she forgot to make her bed. Not because I reminded her but because she remembered.

Katie: Let's go. I'm going to be late again.

Isabelle: Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I forgot to make my bed. I'm so sorry.

Katie: Uuuh o.k.

Isabelle: Are you mad? Are you mad? I'm soooo sorry. I'm soo sorry. I'm going to do it right now.

Katie: Uuuuh o.k.

Isabelle: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll be right back.

Katie: Uuuuh o.k.

I was actually completely stunned. Happy but stunned. I have never made that kid make her bed ever. I'm sure it's a good habit but not one that seriously ever occurred to me. But this conversation left me feeling bad because it seemed like she was an abused child, scared to death of me. Which if you have ever read this blog, then you know this kid is not scared of anything, ESPECIALLY me. But it made me realize that this is important to her (yay!) and maybe the house fairy should make an appearance.

So when the princesses went down to bed, I left out their loot.

But little Izzy didn't want to wake up. Good thing Cam Cam got her excited.

The first thing out of her mouth was, "I need to call Tashy & Jhanny. The house fairy only left them rubberbands."

Paula's kids had gotten bend a roos the previous week. Not quite rubberbands.

The second thing out of her mouth was said with much outrage. "How come Cambri got something? She only messes things up."

Doesn't it seem like I'm always a step behind around here?

Hello! It's A River That's Barely Deeper Than My Knees!

So the Burke ladies went to good old Island Park over the weekend. For those of you who don't know, it's pretty much a get away staple for those of us in southeast Idaho. Staying in the cabin was nice and relaxing.
The real morale of this story is that Paula and I are super women. We paddled the Buffalo river with four kids. It's five miles peeps! And some of those hours were spent with a baby sleeping on my shoulder. Every time I rowed, I closed my eyes and hoped baby wouldn't wake up. Because when she wasn't sleeping, she was screaming. And if you have ever been in the great outdoors with people who are trying to fish while holding a screaming baby, then you understand the death glares I was getting.

 The guy at the dock actually had the nerve to say to us, "It's just you two women with four kids? You'll be out there all day!" I was ultra annoyed considering the deepest part of this river is probably no taller than my knees. PLUS I have floated this thing in the middle of DECEMBER (that was a shout out to you two, Megan & Star ;) GIVE ME A BREAK! I had to hold back the "Yup and being that it is the 21st century, woman are actually allowed to own land as well!" comment. Paula handles these things so much better than I, so I let her respond. She responded with such class when asking what he meant by that. I had mentally checked out at that point, so I can't tell you what he said. Probably something stupid.

While it was a lot of fun, it was still a lot of work. There wasn't a whole lot of floating going on. It was a heck of a lot of paddling. I love being on the water. But between passing out juice boxes, chips, crackers and handling a screaming baby, it was a lot more work that it probably should have been. That really doesn't matter because P and I learned that we could do it and make it work. And yes, with just us. Don't get me wrong, it would probably be easier with more people, just not necessary.

The tragic ending was when Paula fell in (here is her version). By the end of our journey, we were exhausted. I suggested she hop out and drag our boat to the dock. But her vision was compromised by her utter exhaustion and she ended up getting her foot stuck in the boat while already in the hopping out motion. I have a great photo memory of looking over my shoulder to see her shocked face being submerged in the water. My first instinct was to laugh, which I did. Of course then I was super embarrassed and quickly jumped up to help her out. She was completely under though. Ok, it's still kind of funny when I think about it :)

Yup, I would have to say the only negative part about this journey was this demon. She was a terror for certain parts of the trip. And it wasn't like we could just pull over and be done with it. We were committed and she was committed to being naughty. At one point, I was considering hooking her life jacket to the bow and using her as screaming ornament to alert bears, elk and moose that we were coming, but I fought the urge. But once she fell asleep, we started having fun again.

Of course that involved me ROWING with a sleeping BABY on my shoulder. Yes Chase does tell me the story gets more and more dramatic every time I tell it. But I ROWED a BOAT with a SLEEPING BABY on my lap. Doesn't that qualify me for some kind of award?

First Ice Cream Cone, NOT First Mommy Mishap

Last week I got Cambri her very FIRST ice cream cone.

And for some reason, I thought eating it in the car would be ok. I obviously have extremely high standards for my one year old. She failed. Miserably.

At one point (pictured below) she dove in with her fingers. Her little inexperienced baby mind didn't realize that trying to pick up ice cream on an extremely hot day was not a good idea. Shouldn't her older, more experienced mother have realized this?

I was too busy taking pictures because she was so cute. I then spent an hour scrubbing my car, my car seat and her beautiful dress.

Lesson learned.

But instead of taking a boring old bath for cleaning up baby, I put her in the kiddie pool.

And she hated it.

She just wanted to sit in my lap...

or sit on the grass and cry!

So I ended up just throwing her in there with her big sister. It only took a few minutes for her to start having a good time. This was a good precursor for her Mommy & Me swim lesson.

What a beautiful baby!

Cambee's First BIRTHDAY

Little Carmbri turned one yesterday.

And let me tell you, she ate cake.

Izzy, Natasha & Jhanna were super helpful and baked little Cam Cam her own cake. They even frosted it themselves.

I hope that Cam Cam gets to feel like a princess on every one of her birthdays because she really is one. Happy Birthday Cambri!

I Think I Made A Blonde

I remember before I was even pregnant with Cambri that I was whining to my mom that I would probably never get a blond child. To which she readily agreed citing that genetics were not on mine and Chasey’s side. But I have noticed lately that my baby is getting much lighter.

And it’s kind of crazy.

While I would not call her a perfect towhead, she is definitely sliding into the dishwater category. Don't you think?

Dreams can come true. Or genes can mutate. I'm not sure what happened here. But Cambri is a dream come true in more ways than just her hair color. I’m still super excited for my beautiful blond baby. Now I can return the bleach.

Sunday School Lesson Gone Awry

“Don’t worry Cam Cam. Jesus Christ will save you.”

When I heard this, I was debating in my head whether or not I should be concerned. I was lying in bed, trying to enjoy a little Sunday nap and I was really hoping that the girls, who were also supposed to be napping, would at least be quiet enough to let me pretend that I was getting a break.

But there was something in Izzy’s tone of voice. She said it in a “I’m your leader now come drink the KoolAid” kind of way. And it was followed by little Cambri squeals.

So I got out of bed. As I was walking across the hall, I head Izzy say “This will only hurt a little.”

You can imagine my concern.

You see when I put the girls down for a nap, Izzy single handedly moved Cambri’s crib over right to her bed so they could sleep together (the crib is on wheels so this is not an overly magnificent feat). It was pretty cute so naïve mother thought it would work out. At some point during said nap, Izzy decided beds next to each other was not good enough, thus crawled into Cam Cam’s crib and attempted to boost baby up and drop her over the edge onto the twin bed. When Cambri put up a struggle, Izzy applied earlier learned Sunday school lesson of Jesus to try and make baby relax enough so she could be lifted and dropped.

Does any of this make sense to those of you who weren’t there?

I would take a picture but I fear that any encouraged reenactment would be seen as a seal of approval on bad behavior. My description will have to suffice. Here is a picture of the beds together though.

Next week Izzy’s Sunday school class will be going over Ruth as a faithful servant. Anyone else out there fearing for Cambri yet?

Ashton

The girls and I went to visit Grandma Great this weekend. Naturally we had a good time. My Grandma only has a shower in her house so she improvised. Izzy came running out to tell me that Grandma Great had created her her own "hot tub" with such excitement that I thought she had invented something that rivaled the light bulb. Grandma Great put a rubbermaid container in the shower. Not quite sliced bread but still very cool for a three year old.

The next morning, she rode her scooter.

This photo was taken just a few minutes before a tragic accident that claimed Barbie's head. Now we know why Schwinn thinks it prudent to mount Barbie on the front of their scooters. She is the little indicator for when you may be decapitated by risky scooter maneuvering. We obviously can't count on a huge wire fence to do the trick, as Izzy tried to ride right through it.

Grandma Great's house is necessarily kid friendly. So Gma got this convenient little baby straight stool so we could make breakfast.

We forgot that Cam Cam is a baby genius. Not smart enough to keep her bottle from leaking all over her leg but smart enough to figure out some precarious crawling techniques.

I told Cambri that know we all know what she would look like with a bubble butt. Cam Cam laughed with me but somehow I doubt she really understood the serious ramifications of said booty.

The Nikon S3000 is CRAPPY!

Back to my camera predicament. I got myself a new camera. I wanted to keep it around $150 because I just need something that I can throw in my purse and not be overly concerned about. So I went to Best Buy. Where I found this for $149.99.

(You can imagine my disdain when I googled this picture and found someone selling the same camera for $118. Such is my life.)

I thought this would work but after two days, I seriously think this is the worst camera I have ever owned. The delay is horrible which causes me to get pictures like this.

And I was spending so much time messing with my STUPID camera, that my baby got very grouchy. And my three year old got impatient. I know it doesn't take much to aggravate a three year old and make a baby cry, but still!



Here is the creme de la creme of the evening. I guess this is a valuable lesson for me to start paying more attention to the background of my photos.

(No I Gordy isn't really using her as toliet paper. It's an "optical illusion" folks.)

I guess I will just have to turn this into my picture perfect moment.