Where people congratulate you on "what wonderful children you have" as they deboard the plan.
The one where they sit quietly looking out the window the whole time you are in the air.
Well this happened to me last week.
Just kidding peeps.
Really just kidding.
What you don't see in this picture is that the kids mouths' have been covered with duct tape by the other patrons on the plane.
When Izzy, Cambri and I left for Quincy, it got off to a beautiful start. My dad kept the girls the night before so that I would be well rested. I left from Idaho Falls which requires arriving at the airport 1 hour prior to departure and checked in while my sweet children played tag with nonparticipating TSA workers. I just pretended to be shocked at people who randomly let their children run around unsupervised. But it's nice to be in a airport that only has a small handful of people instead of an international airport that is jammed packed.
It quickly went downhill. Every time I recount the story, my blood pressure starts to rise. Let's just say there was a ton of crying and screaming. And from the kids too!
There was fighting. And fit throwing. And a general throwing of items including but not limited to crayons, suckers, tangerines, Toy Story figurines and anything else I tried to give them in a feeble attempt to buy some silence.
Cam Cam got her head stuck between the seats. The poor sleeping guy that lifted his arm to see a smiling baby in his armpit, with her head completely jammed, jumped a mile out of his chair. When it takes two flight attendants and individually wrapped butter servings to save your child, it makes for a long day.
The absolute highlight of the airplane trip was when Isabelle stuck her arm up through my sleeve and accused me on not wearing a bra.
Very loudly.
Just in case you were wondering, I did have a bra on. Not that I planned on standing up to announce that or that anyone would have believed me. Awkward moment peeps. Very awkward.
You would think that this couldn't get any worse. But it kind of did. On the way home Cambri spilled Bug Juice on the man in the Gucci suit seating next to me. Ironically you really aren't supposed to bring your own beverages through security but the TSA worker let the Bug Juice go instead of making me throw it away because "no terrorist would dare put bottles of Bug Juice in their Coach purse, only a desperate mom." I guess I can have my airplane seat neighbor send his dry cleaning bill to her.
Chase knew of my horrible experience traveling to St. Louis so because we were all flying back together, he volunteered to do my a "favor" and let me have his first class seat.
And he would sacrifice himself and fly coach with Izzy. As long as I took Cambri.
Just so that you can all keep up, Chase volunteered to take 50% of our children (and trust me when I say he left me with the wild card) and do me a "favor."
For the love, this isn't a favor. It's called PARENTING. I chose to throw him a bone and not call him out in the airport because it was obviously a lapse in judgement in an overall very good person . I was secretly (& unsecretly being that I told him at least three times) hoping that he would volunteer to take both of them. But because Franklin Covery taught me it's only official if you keep score, I'm going to jot down the facts here.
Katie- Extremely Bad Trip Out
Extremely Bad Trip Home
Chase- Wonderful Trip Out (He came straight from work two days after we arrived.)
Average to Ok Trip Home (Izzy was very good for the most part. He claimed he didn't hear any of Cam Cam's 20 minute screaming tirade. Insert eye roll here.)
Chasey loves me more than anything so I know he really didn't think things would go so bad so quickly.
Who got screwed? ME! Yes I was in first class which is SO nice. But call me crazy, I got the vibe that if you actually pay to ride in first class, you REALLY hate it when you have a young child screaming in your ear. In fact, you openly complain about it to anyone who will listen.
Especially when you get Bug Juice spilled down your extremely expensive suit. I have to tell you that the man who took the orange shower was extremely gracious and I was humbled by his understanding. I suspected it was a very nice suit but it was confirmed when he said "it's only Gucci." Needless to say I was very glad to get off the plane and run for the cover of my home.
Seriously next time you are in a airplane and you hear a desperate voice over the loudspeaker, letting you know she is in fact wearing a bra, we are probably on the same flight. Give yourself an early birthday present and sit far, very far, away from my children. Maybe I'll join you.
1 comment:
This made me laugh. And cringe.
You're tough as nails, Kate.
Next time, send the kids with Chase. Fair is fair, right?
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