Am I a Freak?

Any Friends fans out there?

I have been a Friends fan through a lot of different milestones in my life. I was only in the 6th grade when it started and I was by no means allowed to watch it. I have a perfect memory of coming home and telling my mom about the new show that my friends were watching. Unfortunately for me, that conversation ended up with her telling me I wasn’t allowed to watch it because it wasn’t appropriate for a 12 year old. Somewhere over time, I did start watching and became completely addicted. When I was in college, my roommates, Brittney, Michaela, Emily and I would order pizza on Thursday nights and lock ourselves in our room to watch. The night that the show came to an end, we hosted a private viewing of the finale for those who wanted to grieve with us. It honestly felt like a funeral. In fact, this picture was taken that night.

When Chase and I were first married, we didn’t have cable to entertain ourselves so at night we would go to bed and watch all the Friends seasons on DVD. We watched (& laughed) many a night. Though I doubt Chase would admit it because he was a reluctant fan at first, I caught him watching by himself a few times;) So the point of this huge preface is that I have seen all the episodes. A few times. Probably closer to a dozen times each. And while my life isn’t currently taking place in a cool NYC apartment over a conveniently located coffee shop, I have found a new joy in picking up on jokes that are even more funnier now that I get to pretend to be a grown up too.

But unfortunately for me, I found a new comparison to the show last night. Anyone remember episode 4.07 The One Where Chandler Crosses the Line? While the main focus of the episode is about how Chandler begins dating Joey’s girlfriend, one of the side stories involves Rachel experimenting with going to restaurants alone. Most of you know that my husband is on the road two-three weeks a month for work and I spend a lot (& I mean A LOT) of time alone with my little ladies. And sometimes when I get a night to myself, I go out to eat ALONE.

I have become Rachel Green. Minus the trendy haircut and smokin’ hot body.

I know this sounds weird. But last night I was stuck in Pocatello and had about an hour to kill. So I went out to eat. And while I have done this before, last night it made me a little sad to say "table for one".

 Trust me when I say I have heard it all before. “Why don’t you go on the road with Chase?” “Don’t you feel bad that your kids never see their Dad?” “Why doesn’t Chase get a new job that is based in Idaho Falls?” If I really went into detail to answer all these questions, it would take all the remaining room I have on this blog. So I’m not going to. I’m only going to say that I go to bed every night knowing that Chase and I are doing what is best for our family. Even if that means that sometimes I eat alone. Last night though, I was getting a little sentimental. And I while I was sitting there alone, I was looking at my future and wondering what will happen when my kids leave (albeit a few years away). I will really be ALONE a lot of the time. This thought seriously made my anxiety levels rise and my fingernails start tapping. But after I sat there for a few minutes, I started realizing that I really have no idea on the exact roads our life is going to take 20 years from now. I can only be grateful for the life that I have now. And it really is a good one. I have an awesome husband and cool kids. We own our home, which while need a new roof, is structurally sound. We have running water and fresh food. All of our needs are met. I think there are a lot of people out there who would like my life. So I’m glad that I have the opportunity to eat alone and ponder this kind of stuff. But just in case you were wondering how Rachel’s story ends, I’m going to leave you with the same line that wraps up episode 4.07.

“Why would I date her? What kind of freak eats alone?''