Social Space Fillers

I believe there are two types of gym goers in this world. Fanatical Freaks (or FF as I will refer to them lovingly from now going forward) which I assume is a self explanatory term and the Social Space Fillers (SSF) which would be the category that I fall firmly into. In case you were wondering, I do have a gym membership and I do enjoy going. I hate working out but I think most of you SSFers out there would agree that the gym is hardly about the work out. That’s like saying people go to Sportsman’s Warehouse to look at outdoor products when we all know they really go to release pent up aggression on the employees.

Back to the gym story though. My husband is in town for the week and he called me at work yesterday to inform me that he had my workout clothes and would be meeting me at the gym at 5. After quizzing him a little, I realized he actually packed clothes that I would be expected to work out in, not the cute little Nike ensemble that I usually wear and refuse to get dirty. You can imagine my excitement. But he already conned his brother into babysitting and I obviously couldn’t walk away from that free ticket. When I got there, my brother-in-law’s girlfriend, Britney, was there. And let’s just say that she is an FF. And she picked the treadmill right next to mine to freaking sprint on.

SSF: Hey would you mind moving two treadmills over? The constant thumping that someone running on the treadmill produces is impeding on my quality Dr. Phil time.

FF: I can’t stop now! My workout summary will be compromised.

SSF: Fine, I’ll move. I need a break anyway.

20 (long) minutes later.

FF: Let’s jog over to get a drink. The vending machines here are only a quarter!

SSF: Oh my gosh!! We need to go and immediately let the front desk know that Pepsi pulled all their products!!! These “pop” machines only have water!!

On the way back from the disappointing vending machine experience.

FF: I burned 250 calories. I’ll work that single piece of lettuce and tablespoon of water I've eaten this week off my thighs yet!

SSF: I burned 129 calories. Sweet! Now I can have TWO mini Snickers when I get home.

10 minutes back into workout routine

SSF: Well this has been fun but I better get going. Those crops aren’t going to harvest themselves.

FF: Are you kidding? We just barely started. You are not leaving until we get through every single machine in this ginormous building.

SSF: Do I need to spell out the ramifications of letting all my crops on my virtual farm wither? It will take days to recover from that kind of loss. I need to leave NOW!

After this portion of the conversation, I wandered upstairs to see what Chase was up to. I found him lifting his entire body weight on one pinky.

Chase: We aren’t leaving for 20 more minutes. Now go back downstairs and try to stay focused.

Katie: No

Chase: Why not?

Katie: I got bored 30 minutes ago. My usual peeps aren’t here and I have no one to talk to.

Chase: Back downstairs.

Katie: Sigh.

On the way back down, I ran into my obgyn. I had a tough choice to make. I could either walk into a conversation with a man who has seen me in very awkward positions or try to find the FF to keep me motivated. Naturally, I choose to involuntary detain the doctor. Who then asked me how things were going.

Katie: Fine. Trying to get back into the swing of things. It’s tough you know.

Dr. O: Your baby is six months old.

Katie: I know but I thought picking back up after 6 weeks was way too soon. So I gave it a few months to be safe.

Dr. O: Good things we tied your tubes then. I wouldn’t want you to have to sacrifice any more gym time than absolutely necessary.

The thought actually occurred to me that if I keep popping out more kids, I wouldn’t have to work out. I would need to (obviously) but I wouldn’t be able to. I was heavily considering this thought when Chase finally decided that I was done being punished and agreed to leave.

So any of you out there in blog world who are needing a quick Katie fix, you might be able to find me at the Apple some nights. I will be the one wandering around debating whether or not the overall paint scheme in the woman’s locker room is really giving off the right vibe for a “workout” environment. Please don’t interrupt this important process.

P.S. Chase kyboshed the having more kids so I could just hang out at the gym and not be expected to do anything. “It’s not practical” he says. Sigh.