Two Two Cute

My baby turned two. Two days ago. I still pretend she's one to make myself feel better. Naturally.

But we held a party anyway. Even though I was in denial. We had so much fun!

There was a pinata.

So that means a LOT of candy. The birthday girl picked out a Skittle/Starburst combo. So the selection wasn't huge. But hey, candy is candy, right? There was some controversy about some kids getting more than others. In these situations, I let the kids work it out. I mean it's a good life lesson and I was hoping my kids ended up with the short end of this stick so I didn't have to deal with sugar highs.

There was presents.

My dad gave Cambri the exact same doll he gave her for Christmas. And he didn't even realize it.

It's moves like this that required me to spend an entire week moving TRUCK LOADS of toys to the thrift store.

But the highlight of the event was the cake.

I felt completely ghetto ordering a Spongebob cake for a two-year-olds birthday but hey Cambri LOVED it. It was completely worth my pride.

It was a little sad to cut into this beauty. But it tasted great!

We had Cambri's party a little early because Chase was in town the week before the actual date. So on her birthday, we took her to the spray park in Rexburg.

Seriously so fun! And free. My bumblebee had so much fun. 

I hope Cambri had a good birthday and has a stellar year. She has such a sweet spirit. Love that girl!

Cambri Still Likes Food

Do you remember when I wrote about my little food thief? It was kind of a traumatic incident for me. But let me tell you it's becoming more and more serious.

I have a food addict on my hands.

Last Sunday, Cam Cam bolted to nursery at church. I mean literally pushing people out of her way.

What makes this weird is that in the past, Cambri has always been a staller. Like the type to follow her sister to her class and pretend to be shocked when her sad, pathetic mother pulls her out.

She has never cried or thrown a huge fit so I wouldn't say it was a job to drop her off. Just a small, annoying chore.

So when she literally started running to class, I was suprised.

If only I had noticed the drool running out of the corner of her mouth.

By the time I caught up with her, she was rooting through the nursery worker's purse. I was shocked as I pulled her off.

I mentioned to the volunteer that Cambri was super excited to come today. And then she mentioned to me that "Cambri is a delight blah blah, loves to read, blah blah." Then she happened to mention that she had noticed the standard goldfish crackers had started to get a little stale and so she had started supplementing the supply with treats from her home.

It all clicked.

Let me break this down for you peeps. People typically volunteer for a month at a time. It was this particular lady's third Sunday. Cambri noticed that lately the snacks had been better than average hence the sprint method of arrival instead of the stall.

I was so embarrassed.

I don't think that the volunteer made the connection.

But she doesn't know the history that I know.

I may be on my way to a two hundred pound two-year-old. Luckily she's is very cute and has a fun personality.

When the TV crew for the TLC special arrives, we'll be ready.

28 Happy's to You!

1. The hit TLC show Sister Wives doesn't make polygamy appealing to Chase. WTH? Seriously. I don't think he watches closely enough.

2. Random Interlude: Ok it's kind of annoying when in the opening credits, patriarch Cody says "Love should be multiplied, not divided." So is he saying that those of us who honor marriage with only one partner divide our love? I'm confused.

3. Chase has only seen Sister Wives once, when I made him watch. He didn't get it.

4. He also hates 16 & Pregnant! I KNOW! Yes, the show gives me anxiety attacks and makes me not even want to be 27 & Pregnant so obviously it's good OLE FASHIONED FUN! And he hates it!
In retrospect, it shouldn't be entertainment because 9 out of 10 episodes turn out bad. If you think it glorifies teen pregnancy, you probably have never watched it. On with the list...

5. Chasey no longer has blood running through his veins. It's all Rockstar baby! A habit that comes at the cost of THOUSANDS of dollars a year and could possibly be doing irreparable damage to his heart.

6. The saying "Like a kid in a candy store" was actually coined after the creator spent a day with Chase. I sent him to the pet store to pick up a plecostomus for the tank and he came home with a loach, two upside down catfish and three kissing fish. No pleco. They didn't rank high enough on the coolness list.

7. This past year Chasey sent a Facebook friend request to an ex-girlfriend. And it was denied! I laughed for two weeks over his butthurtedness. But he has such a sweet spirit that she is missing out.

8. I'm not exactly sure what my husband does for a living. I mean, I understand the title but I really  have no idea what the job encompasses. Whenever people ask me and Chase is around, he stares at me like I'm an idiot when I try to explain. He must be good at it because he got a smokin' raise this year.

9. He thinks our kids walk on water. Yes, thank you for asking! He does spend three weeks a month on the road so he IS misinformed.

10. Chase is the good cop parent. I am the bad cop parent. This is the dynamic that is set up. Izzy and Camster think their dad walks on water. He comes home and everything is fun. He leaves and they spend three weeks waiting for him to come home.

11. Chasey is a walking infomercial for the iPhone. In a weird way. If someone even mentions it (i.e. a waiter who lives off tips) he whips it out and gives them a 30 minute overview. When he starts scrolling through family photos, I am FORCED to brutally cut him off.

12. Swamp People and Hogs Gone Wild entertain him. Yup. Enough said.

13. Chase invented a new game. Izzy's favorite game. He puts her in an old kiddie pool and runs it around the house as fast as he can. And I thought his homemade trashbag kite was redneck.

14. This year he hit Bambi's mom with a rental car. The was the first time he ever tried to go up against wild game in a car. And I was more sad than he was. But then the $3,800 bill rolled in and his tears started rolling.

15. Remember when I said that I wasn't going to share the pic that showed things "better" between Chase and Nicole? I changed my mind.

16. And I'm going to follow it up with one. You can't see it, but Chase picked Nicole up over his head and carried her for 20 feet before he dropped her here. Weird right?

17. Chase has questioned authority since day one. I have witnesses to prove it. But here is a picture for you all to see it. If Chasey gets arrested for this, I'm sorry babe, really.

18. These days his question of all things appearing to be rules USUALLY manifests itself in healthy, legal ways (above picture excluded). Like last week when we skipped lunch and had ice cream for dinner.

19. Chasey got an iPad for Christmas. It was stolen but randomly returned via a ding dong ditch. Unfortunately it happened the first time he ever left it home with me. But he quickly forgave me because he truly has a servants heart. I love that.

20. We rolled into Vegas TWICE this year. The first time, he took me and my bestie Paula. We sat through a time share presentation to get free Criss Angel tickets. Everyone, I mean everyone, thought we were polygamists. Especially when they found out where we were from. They kept asking how Paula factored in to our relationship. Naturally once we realized what they thought, Paula and I entertained ourselves by both resting our hands on Chase's knees. So funny! Very entertaining during an otherwise forgettable experience.

21. Chase really, really wanted to buy above mentioned time share. I had to snap him out of it. And back to reality. Can you imagine us regularly vacationing on the Strip with OUR TWO YOUNG CHILDREN?

22. Also while in Vegas, we saw Holly Madison in a casino. Chase wanted to have his picture taken with her but completely chickened out. So I had to step in and ask a gorgeous woman to take a picture with my husband. He still owes me.

23. Chase paid income tax in 8 states last year and a total of $13 to the state of Idaho, our primary residence. This is why it took our accountant an entire ream of paper to do our taxes.

24. Last week, I woke up at 4 in the morning and caught my husband not sleeping but watching 19 Kids and Counting. Yes, I am outing him here.

25. As we speak, Chase is working two miles underground in a 36 inch hole. I'm not sure exactly what he's doing, as mentioned before, but doesn't that sound a little scary?

26. He thinks that downing Super Pump is the key to his muscles. Never mind the warning on the label telling people not to use if they are in the position to be screened for performance enhancement drugs. Does this sound like a steroid to anyone else? Tell him so next time you see him. Just because they sell it at GNC doesn't make it healthy.  

27. For Chasey's golden birthday (28 on the 28th), I am getting him tickets to the Boise State football opener in Atlanta. Surprise lovey.

28. Chase is my very best friend and someone I don't deserve. He is literally the POP to my TART. I love him with all that I have and can't wait for the next 50 years. I saw this line in church:

and naturally thought of Chase first. I have so much already. I love him more everyday and am so thankful that he picked me. I hope he has a wonderful birthday and a great time being 28. If he can even enjoy things anymore at his age. I'm not sure.

To Share Or Not To Share

Yes this is my little busy Izzy. But this story really isn't about her. It's about Cambri.

And I have to say, I am hesitant to share. Because I am slightly disturbed. For realsies.

And I don't want you to judge me. So I really debated but then I thought, what the heck? If I can't tell my bloggy friends, who can I tell?

Today I got to babysit both of my beautiful nieces. And seriously, I have been begging and pleading for this assignment for awhile. And literally stalking out a perfect situation where I would be the only option and then reminding everyone a couple hundred times that I was available and there was no one else. What can I say? I'm methodical.

It took me years to prove my worth, so needless to say, I took this assignment very seriously. 

And by this point in my story, my sister-in-law is probably freaking out. Considering the last time Jade came over for a visit, x-rays were required a day later. And I'm not even joking here peeps. I felt horrible. She tripped and skinned her knee under my charge. After she was not willing to put any pressure on it for over 24 hours, they had to make sure nothing was chipped or broken. Luckily nothing was hurt but I thought my babysitting dream was down the toilet.

Everyone take a deep breath, like I said before, this story is really about Cambri.

My brother-in-law dropped off the girls around 8 in the morning. And he graciously brought breakfast. Yay for that! 9 pancakes for 4 little girls seems like easy math, right?

Definitely enough for everyone, but they were packaged in groups of three. I thought it made the most sense to split one plate between Cambri and Mia being that they are the youngest.  Cambri didn't like the fact that she had to share plus use a regular plate as well. Because eating off Styrofoam is so much cooler.

But she calmed down relatively quickly so I thought everything was good.

Here comes the  point of this whole story.

The embarrassing part.

Cambri was sitting at the end of the table with Jade to her right. And every time Jade turned her head, she would reach her chubby, grubby fingers over to Jade's plate and steal a couple of pieces of food.

I am not even joking.

And I sat there dumbfounded as she expertly dropped the food on her plate and pretended like nothing was happening as she munched away.

Like it was normal for a one-year-old to be so consumed by food that she has to stockpile her plate.

I didn't even know what to say or do, so I did nothing. Don't judge me.  

And yet, even with all of the extras, guess who was the only one who cleaned her plate?

 

We don't call her the garbage disposal for nothing.

Heaven help us.

Dead Mom Equals New Hamster

Izzy and  I went to the pet store.

She wanted a hamster.

I told her they scheev me out and I could never consciously bring a rodent into my house.

She said, "When I turn 16 and you die, I am coming back and buying me this hamster."

Katie: That's a little brutal, can we brainstorm a way for you to get a hamster without me dying?

Izzy: Can I get a hamster when you are still alive?

Katie: Hmmmm no.

Izzy: Off with your head.

I am cutting her off from Disney movies.

We Make Weird Kids



Cambri is a sweet spirit. Weird, but sweet. I love her because she is a candy loving, diaper using, juice drinking lovey that makes me smile.

So what if she loves slides but can't use them right. I don't judge her.

Like Chase would say, "She a butter knife in a world that is used to the steak variety."

Just kidding, he wouldn't say that. Actually I have heard him say that but not about Cambri. Other people that I won't mention. And don't worry, it wasn't you either.

But the real reason of this post is to let the world know that the terrible twos have set in.

And they are, well, terrible...

She wants to communicate with us but the verbal skills aren't quite there.

Paula spent countless hours trying to teach her sign language. And she picked up one thing.

More.

Darn sign language.

MORE MORE MORE

She abused the more thing. She is very cute while doing it, but abusing it none the less.

And when demon baby sets in, Cam Cam can clear a room. And I don't know what to do with her.

She threw a fit in the middle of a parking lot yesterday. And it was bad. Kicking and screaming on the ground.

Over what?

I have no idea.

So I just sit there watch her debating on what to do.

I was thinking it seemed like a traffic hazard to just walk away.

And when the cars started lining up behind her, honking, I was sure it was.

Poor Paula ran into a similar situation when she took away a glue stick that Cambri was using as lipstick.

And in a public library nonetheless. A woman from my church witnessed the whole thing and was aghast that Paula would just walk away.

So she tried to help and was quickly shut down. That will teach her to be a good Samaritan when it comes to Demon Baby.

She only looks sweet and innocent.

What What It's Birthday Month

Oh M Ba Gee Gee Peeps!

It's June already. And that means it's time to kick off our Birthdaypalooza.

Chasey and Cambri are both born in June! So exciting for us.

Well for me, anyway, and I have low standards. I know that.

But it seems like just yesterday that we were looking at this.



And then all of a sudden, she was crawling all over the place. And smiling. And laughing. And before I knew it, I was typing something to the effect of our baby turning one. It was truly unbelievable.

She grew fast. But here comes the strawberry-scooping-whip-cream-straight-into-my-mouth-over-the-stove-as-to-not-dirty-a-plate moment. Literally shoving food in my face to make myself forget. She is turning two.

Forget Katie Forget.

I have food issues, what can I say? Back to the point.

Tonight, I started planning a party for my baby who is turning two. Talk me off the ledge someone. Please.

And this year, this little lady is getting a PARTAY*. Bouncy House, Spongebob cake and the rest of the works.

*Partay is trademarked by brother-in-law Ryan. Seriously. Don't use it or he will track you down.

So with Chasey's job it is impossible to plan anything. But as of now, I am thinking Friday the 24th as the big day. Invites to arrive shortly though if you are reading this, you are invited. I like you that well.

P.S. Oh yeah, a homeless guy down by the river asked me about my "situation." He said I was dateable material.

Yes, Chasey, you need to step up your game.

Burkes Make Drama

Drama, drama, drama.

When your last name is Burke and you lose a tooth, crap hits the fan.

And it's not fun for those of us who bear witness to the losing of the teeth. But hey, I guess it can be traumatic. Jade and Izzy took it to a new level but they are both the oldest children, so it kind of makes sense. When I found out that Izzy lost a tooth, I was in shock.  And then I pulled out the super glue and tried to undo the madness. It is kind of cute that they both lost the same tooth within in a matter of weeks.

Back to my always impending midlife crisis. I now have a toothless grin running around the house.

I know I am a little vain but I was super relieved that we had pictures done the day before the tooth fell out. I mean toothless is only cute for so long.

Now whenever I see Izzy toothless, I experience a very real flashback of me hyperventilating on my office floor when I found out I was pregnant.

And now I have a child that is old enough to lose teeth.

Somebody pinch me.

Oh wait, I am half at fault for producing this dorky, full of teeth, love bunny.

I'm good. No pinching required.

Kids Say Things To Make Their Parents Look Bad

Seriously, I don't know what to do.

I can't win at this game even when I'm trying. I have no idea who I am up against in this hypothetical game scenario. Yet I still am losing. Wow, that's the sign of a pathetic person.

I know how smart all of you are out there in bloggy world. And you know that kids repeat things. That's what they do.

I swear that my four year old has it out for me. And I am still debating on whether it's on purpose or not.

She half repeats what I say. The bad half.

For example, I said "I check on you every night after you go to sleep but then I sneak out to I don't wake you,"

Isabelle told her friend McKinley, "My mom sneaks out when we are sleeping."

I had to drop off a check to a business for Izzy's school and it was raining. I didn't want to schlep my kids inside, so I parked right outside the door and said, "I'm going to cheat and park up front."

Isabelle told her teacher the next day, "My mom cheats."

The dog annoys me. I said "I swear I can't take it one more day."

I'm sure you see where that one went.

The best one was when I said, "Wow, I wish I had a lock on my door to keep the demon children out."

Guess what? She got that one verbatim in front of her entire preschool class. "My mom wants a lock on her door to keep the demons out."

Hey, I'm not perfect. I'm ok with that.

I'm So Glad I Paid 18.00 For This.

Oh M Ba Gee Gee. I can't believe my four-year-old.

Dance pictures this year didn't go well.

In all fairness, she told me she didn't want to go. She said "didn't feel like it." And I pushed. Never again.

Even the photographer commented on how she usually is able to crack the toughest of cases but she couldn't get through to Izzy. Not even for one half smile. And that lady has four kids.

And I paid $18 for this wonderful experience. I wrote the check while standing in the middle of 12 other excited girls. And there was my princess, grouchy as hell.

And now for the grand finale.

Here is Izzy's celebrity mug shot. TMZ, you owe me one for this if she ever breaks into the big leagues.

P.S. I was extremely annoyed at the end of this experience. I'm sure you can't tell why. Izzy went straight to time out when we got home. I'm doubtful any kind of contructive lesson came from it, but hey, I felt better.

364 Unbirthdays

I think all of you know one of the most spunkiest girls out there.

We think she's pretty special.

And guess what? 364 days a year, it's her unbirthday. So please don't forget it when you see her. Or else she will remind you.

"Don't you have something to say to me?" she asked Paula.

"Uhhh, hi?" said Paula.

"UUhhh no. It's my unbirthday and your didn't say anything." said Isabelle.

Naturally Paula fell to her knees in shame and remorse.

But she quickly recovered.

The reason that Izzy picked day to have the above mentioned conversation was because it was her OFFICIAL unbirthday at school.

So we made this poster.

And she presented it to her class. 

And she walked around the sun five times. Symbolic for the five years she has reigned Queen Supreme in this household.

But we love it that way.

And she sat behind the special desk while all the kids sang to her. It was very sweet to see how cool Izzy felt and we were grateful that her school allowed us to come witness it.

I had a mini-hamburger to celebrate.

Random I know.

Xanax & a Limo

Oh M Ba Gee Gee Peeps! We're back!

And alive.

But just barely.

Driving to Las Vegas with two kids takes awhile. Who would have thunk?

First off, we roll ghetto. You probably know that. We shipped our one-year-old down to Vegas in snow boots.

The awesomesauce part is that there were no back up shoes. No tennis shoes, no sandals, not even a pair of socks were included. Only snow boots. And I guess I have to mention they were at least two sizes too big. Cambri dressed herself that morning and both the Daddy Man and I thought someone else took care of it. Like the little smurfs that live under the sofa I guess. Let's just call this strike one.

Strike two. Our kid slept in the bathtub.



It was a nice bathtub. Does that make it sound better?

We didn't intend for her to sleep there but sharing a bed with her sister turned problematic. Like biting random body parts and pulling out arm hairs instead of at least pretending to be compliant with her parent's orders of going to bed.

Kids these days really need more fear. A healthy dose of being scared of their parents. Remind me to work on this sometime. Like maybe with hold Spongebob for a day. That will teach them.

Strike three. Chasey held our kids way too close to the edge of the Hoover Dam.

Immediately after taking this picture, I threw myself on the ground in the fetal position. Begging my husband to move away from the ledge. The shakes consumed my body and it really became more than I could take.

Move away from the ledge.

For the love, move away from the ledge.

Isabelle took this picture while Chase was holding her over the handrail by her ankles.

Just kidding.

It only felt that way to the fanatical parent not pictured because I was hyperventilating in the background. For realsies.

I guess I should bring up the most important part of the trip.

Being reunited with our long lost cousin. B-RAY!



And the wedding of course. It was beauiful and elegant. All wrapped up into one divine experience of love.

And I got a new sister-in-law out out of the whole thing. Yay for me. I always knew I was a winner.

I am kind of unhealthily obsessed with my current sister-in-law, Nicole, because she is so awesome. I hope Tanya is prepared.

Guess who is also unheathily obsessed? Chasey...

It's kind of hard to tell but here he is with his legs wrapped around Nic in a weird way. With her husband staring on in the background.

I do have a photo that shows the above mentioned situation a little better. I was going to post but then I asked myself, "Does the Internet really need a photo that shows things 'better'?"

I don't think so.

The highlight of the trip was the limo ride the kids took with their grandparents.

Why you ask? Because Ryan ordered the limo.

Loaded the kids.

Loaded the grandparents.

And then Nicole acted as if she was getting in. But instead said, "I feel like this would be better if you had taken Xanax earlier today."

An then she shut the door. Slapped the top of the limo. And off it went.

Leaving four happy adults. Who enjoyed a meal with NO KIDS. Sweet!

And two probably stressed out grandparents. But they must have been in good spirits because they had the limo driver take them to McDonalds. And that made for SUPER happy kids.

I feel like I have lot's more to say. But I won't bore you.

Thanks for reading. Viva Las Vegas.