Hell Week

I have always said this blog is about the good, the bad and the ugly. And last week was ugly. I have to say that sometimes I read people’s blogs and it seems like their existence is a real life version of Candyland. . And then you hear the real story and you wonder why they went through the trouble of painting such a pretty picture on the internet when it’s obviously not true. I swear that all these people have really done is become a character witness for their disgruntled spouse’s attorney. But in the end there are probably a ton of reasons why people do what they do and it’s really not my place to judge them. But I have to be honest and say that last week Chase really let me down. A few different times. I felt like he and I were on different wavelengths and not meshing very well. December is the most stressful time of year for me at work. And this is my first year trying to do it all with two kids at home. And I was (and still am actually) completely burnt out. I thought Chase understood this but considering the first three nights he was home, he didn’t even make a move to get up with the baby during the middle of the night when he knew I had to work the next day, I guess he didn’t. It’s hard to keep it all together when you feel like you are alone. I don’t want to bore any of you with the details but we had a series of miscommunications that I’m sure left both of us feeling sour. Trust me when I say that I'm sure this is not a secret to those of you we spent time with. While no one pulled a knife on Christmas Day (thank you Charlie Sheen for that one), there was a point where I wanted to shave the words "I'm a Jerkhead" into my husbands chest hair. The absolute final straw for me was when I asked him in my brother-in-laws girlfriend spent the night at our house and he ignored me. When I asked him again, he said yes in such a way that it made me feel like I was in the wrong. As if asking someone to follow one rule in my own home makes me the bad person. The only thing I expect of Cody is for him to keep the current girlfriend from spending the night. I don’t think it’s appropriate for my girls to see women walking out of his room first thing in the morning. My number one job is trying to raise my kids correctly and establish right from wrong in their minds. I don’t judge anyone for their life choices as I have made a few bad ones myself, but around my kids you can either stand with me or stay away. That really is the bottom line. And so when Chase didn’t choose to stand with me, I felt like someone had actually taken my heart out and stomped on it. One of the hardest things for Chase and I to relate about is that I don't live in a hotel. If I were in his shoes, I could put up with annoyance for one week a month and then go back to hotel world and forget. What happens on Royal Avenue is my LIFE. There is no escaping as I have nowhere else to go. Now obviously Chase and I aren’t headed for divorce court but my feelings are extremely damaged at this point in time. Because this is my blog, you get to hear my side of the story. At this point, I bet Chase wishes he had his own outlet ;)