We Are Not Together OBVIOUSLY

Seriously Chuck and I spend way too much time together. It's becoming awkward.

The most uncomfortable of awkward situations happens when we get mistaken as a couple.

I don't get it. I mean times are tough but I think I could do better than an old dude. Come on.

Last time we were at Outback I wanted to throw myself off a cliff. That may sound dramatic but it's not.

I know how the situation looks. Two adults walk in with wedding rings and children. And people start assuming. I know they can't help it.

When we walked into Outback and sat at a table for four, the waitress immediately assumed that we were together. How do I know this?

She told us WE had cute kids.

Instead of saying something intelligent such as "I have cute kids and he has cute grand kids" or "This is my DAD" I blurted out, "No we aren't together." It was INSTINCT I tell you.

Waitress: "Oh I'm sorry, let's get you to separate tables."

Katie: "Oh we are eating together, we just aren't together."

Waitress: "I don't judge honey. Anyway works for me."

Katie: "Please, please judge. Please"

Waitress: "Ummm Ok"

Katie: "By saying that you don't judge you are implying that we have a situation that warrants some kind of judgement and this is my Dad."

This waitress finally had a moment of clarity. Nervous laughter all around.

But I probably won't recover.

Later that night, as I was clipping Chuck's toenails, I realized that we must give off that weird couple vibe. But it's unintentional.

I swear it.

Uncle Ryan Cheats at the Slug Bug Game

This is a picture of a picture, so the quality is lacking. But this is Izzy's new school picture! Chase got her ready the morning of the big shoot and I think she looks pretty good.

One morning when I dropped Izzy off for school, I noticed that her and the school principal race to the door. I thought how cute and sweet the whole thing was.

And they did it again the next day.

So when I picked her up, I asked, "Do you and Ms. Margaret race everyday?"

Isabelle: Yes

Katie: Do you win everyday?

Isabelle: Duh.

Katie: Does she let you win or do you win?

Isabelle: I win.

Hmmm. Given that Ms. Margaret is in great shape, I highly doubt this.

Why am I telling you all of this?

Because my five year old is addicted to winning. I think I may have to start taking her to meetings.

Everything is a competition. It drives me crazy.

So I said, "Isabelle I would be a failure of a parent if I sent you out into this world with you thinking that are going to win everything. Worse yet, have an EXPECTATION that you are ENTITLED to win everything."

Isabelle: Huh?

Katie: You aren't going to win every race, defeat every problem and come out on top of every situation.

Isabelle: I don't get it.

Katie: You are going to lose at some point. We all do.

Isabelle: I lost once. When Uncle Ryan and I played the slugbug game.

Katie: Yes! That's a great example of adversary.

Isabelle: But that was because he cheated.

Katie: Oh M Ba Gee Gee. I don't think you get it.

Isabelle: He cheats. If he sees them first, he just takes them instead of letting me see them. And then he gets all of them and I have none.

I will have to fall back on to my brother-in-law to teach my child the lesson of losing. I know that he will never give her a pity win. He doesn't even give his own child a pity Tic-Tac-Toe victory.

Until then I will continue to point out the slugbugs until she gets them. And listen to her complain that Cambri always copies her.

Yes, I know. I am part of the problem.

I can't help it. She's my baby.

I Still Miss My Mommy

Wow this blog is getting boring for me to read. So I  can only imagine what you, my faithful reader, think.

I will try harder. I will work harder. I can be better. I promise.

But for today, I have had to go back. I have had a post brewing about my mom. And I have to get if off my chest.

Can I have one more day to bore you? Please?

I think when you lose someone, you subconsciously start looking for signs that would give some kind of indication that they are still with you. Somehow.

And I see my mom in the clouds.

I took this while driving 80 miles an hour out the window. So obviously it doesn't capture really how beautiful it truly was.You will have to take my word for it.

Before you call the loony bin and have me carted off, I really don't mean literally see my mom in the clouds. It's a very figurative feeling peeps. But there is something so heavenly about a good cloud scene that I can clearly picture my mom in heaven, sitting at the base of the throne. In the presence of Jesus, loving him with her whole heart.

And in that moment, if even only for an instant, I feel happiness. And thankful that I KNOW I will see her again. I can't wait. And happy that she is in a perfect place and no longer deals with trivial matters of this world.

So you can imagine how much I love the clouds. I feel very peaceful looking at the clouds.

It's my new happy place. I finally traded in that old beach mental picture that I have carried for years.

Another funny thing about losing a loved one is that you stop fearing death. I don't know that I ever really feared it. I probably just didn't spend a lot of time thinking about it.

But now I can say I'm ready. Whenever. Wherever.

Until then, I have been working on me.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I pray for people who have lost both parents.

Or buried a child.

Instead of dwelling on the feeling that I don't have anyone that specifically has a vested interest in ME, I remember the parent I do have left. And I know he would do anything for me. And I give myself a mental slap for being so selfish.

Instead of remembering my mom and crying, I remember her and how wonderful she was and I smile. And I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude that she was my mom and that I got to experience her goodness for 26 years. Because some people don't even get that in their lifetime. The sacrifices she made (some of which I can barely start to fathom) blow my mind. I see other parents on a daily basis who wouldn't do that for their kids. To be honest, I can't judge because I don't even know what I would do. Would I be that selfless? I would like to think so but who knows?

So I guess I can say that some healing is taking place. It takes time. So much more time than I probably would have ever allotted for somebody else had I not understood. I hope that I can ask forgiveness of these people someday. Seriously.

So another grateful item of note. I have an amazeballs husband who has cried many a tear with me. I have an awesome sister that I miss with my whole heart now that she lives so far away but who is always up for a chat when I'm down. And I'm going to stop listing because I will forget someone. But there is a long list of family, in-laws included, and friends who have stood by me.

Even when I probably wasn't that fun to stand by. Namely because I have had several breakdowns in the presence of these people. In private and in very public places.

And they have always stayed. And to my knowledge never expessed my freak-of-natureness to other people. Even if they thought it in their heads.

So I owe a lot thank yous.

Thank you.Thank you. Thank you.

If I see you in public and don't thank you, then feel free to slap me. I give you permission.

Puss In Boots Birthday Party

Oh M Ba Gee Gee! Izzy went to the most rocking birthdy party this past weekend.

I seriously didn't want to leave.

We got the most adorable movie ticketesque invitation to a party at Edwards Theater and Izzy was super excited.

Of course I missed the RSVP date and had to make a semifrantic phone call, begging for them to take pity on us.

Which they graciously did.

When we arrived it took about two seconds for me to realize this wasn't the normal cake-and-ice-cream type of party.

This was a party. A party. A PARTY!

There was a greeting table with a hat, cape and mask for each child. Plus an envelope filled with tokens for each kid to use at the arcade.

And an official Edwards employee was walking around taking concession orders. Anything they wanted. Including lunch in addition to the usual movie goodies.

And then they got a tour of the behind the scenes goings on of the theater. They got to see the entire second floor where they store the film and other stuff the public doesn't get to see.

And all of this even before the movie started. The private viewing of Puss in Boot in 3D. What a fun idea.

When I came to pick her up, I had to ride the elevator up and the setup there was awesomesauce.

There was a three foot cake of Puss in Boots that I would have bet was a statue. It was that real and well done.

As we thanked our host, she handed Isabelle a box with a custom key chain with her name on it. Inside was a huge assortment of pencils, tattoos, stickers and other knickknacks.

Can I get a party like this for my next birthday?

Puhhhleeeeeeaase??!!?!?

Jealous Much?

It's Izzzzzzyyyyy time.

How any of you missed the stories of this precocious little girl? I have one for you.

I was standing at Izzy's school when Izzy's friend's Dad approached me and said, "I have to tell you what McKinley said this morning."

Immediately my heart sunk. I have been here before peeps. I have been here before.

He said as he was trying to get them out the door, he handed McKinley her boots that are identical to a pair that Isabelle owns and loves to wear. McKinley got a worried look on her sweet face and said, "Ummm I guess I can wear those today."

He replied, "Can't you wear those everyday?"

"Well Izzy said we can only wear them together sometimes because it makes us look like twins and if we do it too often people will start to be jealous."

My mouth dropped open. Good thing he was laughing.

I swear I don't know where she gets this stuff.

The only other thing I was thinking but couldn't bring myself to say was I am sure. 100% sure.

Beyond 100% sure.

That it NEVER occurred to Izzy to limit how often she wears the boots. If I know that little girl than I know that thought never crossed her mind.

That's not how she rolls.

She rolls out in pink boots everyday.

Go Back in time and tell yourself Happy Halloween from us

I know Halloween was like four days ago. But bear with me. I do things late peeps. That's how I roll.

Does it seem to anyone else that kids these days wear their Halloween costumes like 15 times before the big day? I can't even keep up with it. So I gave up.

We pretty much wore whatever was most closely at hand. We seriously left our accessories all over town. And switched costumes frequently with the interchangeable "dress up" clothes.

Thank goodness for little girls.

One of the highlights of our year was Boo at the Zoo. I helped organize a booth for the Montessori school, so the whole family headed down with me one night. And I only got one picture. Sad day in the Burke house. Cambri and Mia aren't even featured. But it gets so crazy down there, you can't even move. I hate that feeling.

And I got to enjoy the annual Leaf parade at Izzy's school. How often do I get to watch  my baby walk around with a paper pate in front of her face? Not very often because Chuck doesn't even let us buy paper and glass doesn't have the same effect.

Isn't she cute? Hair messy? Or course.

But still cute. 

And since I seem to being recapping the month without really intending to, I better go all the way back. Two of my nieces and one of my nephews had a birthday in October. We made cards to mail to Denver because we didn't get to see Braxton. I think that's only the second birthday we have ever missed and it was so sad. 



But Jade and Mia's birthdays followed shortly. And I didn't get one photo of the wonderful party. But it was super fun. And I made the invitation.

Overall, a fun time in the Burke house. Fun times. 

Bad Month

If I have any readers left, then I need to apologize! I had a bad month!

Not only because I am a bad mom or had a horrible blogging month.

I had a bad month. Period.

Chase's 14-year-old cousin lost his battle with lymphoma. Watching two parents bury their baby changes you in a way that you will never recover from. The injustice of a fallen world is enough to take your breath away. It was a heart wrenching experience for us and we weren't burying our oldest child.

Luckily our children were well behaved on the way down to Salt Lake City. Yeah Cambri watched a movie through the sleeve of her coat. But she did it quietly. You can do anything in our house if you do it quietly.

The funeral on the other hand was another story. Here is a small selection of the hundred of photos Izzy took on my phone while she waited with Grandma and Cambri out in the hall.

Izzy was the good one. It was Cambri who had to go because she was insistent on running up and down our row, screaming "I win, I lose. I win, I lose." She means "I win, you lose" but her understanding of correctly used pronouns escapes her limited knowledge of the English language at this point.

Izzy eventually had to join her because her distraught crying was distracting other people who were grieving. I love the empathy that my five-year-old has. It's a quality I hope she never loses.

Austin was a sweet soul who will be missed. Will you pray for his family? They are starting a very difficult "new chapter" and they need all the help they can get.