Epileptic Defect Dolphin Thrashes Around

Oh M Ba Gee Gee. I had good intentions.

And of course, that is never a good way to start a story. You, my astute reader, surely picked up on that.

I planned a really fun night for me and the girls. A mommy-daughter date of sorts. Dinner and a movie.

The whole thing started out rocky because Izzy bailed on me to go hang out with her cousin. I adjusted and rescheduled. I'm flexible like that.

So the next day, we got up and went to lunch. When that portion of our day ended with Cambri eating popcorn off the floor, I should have gone home.

The girls did not even attempt to be good during lunch. There was fighting, crawling under and OVER the table, demanding spoons when forks had already been provided and just behaving poorly in general. And yet, I thought that it would be a good idea to continue on with the planned activities.

Hello, Katie, have you met your children or do you need to be checked into BHC ASAP?

Onward with the story.

We arrived at the movie after making a quick pit stop at the store. I told the girls to keep the treats on the DL because bringing in your own stuff is sort of frowned on. I may have glossed over that it is really is a socially acceptable form of shoplifting.

But Izzy caught on and asked me with her big blue eyes, "If it's against the rules Mommy, then why are we doing it?"

Schooled by a five year old.

So we left the goodies in the car. Except for the diet coke. I mean, I'm only human and I'm addicted.

After purchasing our tickets and escorting the newly potty trained two year old to the restroom, we went to the try to find seats.

But only after Izzy stops the floor sweeper and told him that we snuck in.

You see, it was rather early in the day and the lady who sold us tickets also ripped them off as no one was at the door. And this was unacceptable to the child who gets a big thrill out of handing the tickets to the usher.

So of course, this employee gives me the stare down. And I tried to laugh it off, but it came across as very awkward. Naturally.

But we worked through that and went to sit down. At the very top of the theater. Which wasn't bad in the beginning but by the FOURTH bathroom trip, I was over it.

As we were waiting for the movie to start, I pulled out my beverage. And this started the frantic screaming of how I was breaking the rules. And trust me when I say, the theater was packed and everyone turned around to try and catch a glimpse of the freak show.

I was already exasperated and the movie hadn't even begun. I should have left right then.

But I didn't.

The thing about Cam Cam at the movies is she is very hit or miss. We have been to several movies this summer and I would say 60% of the time, she was ok. I mean most of these movies were part of the kid series at the cheap theater.

And when your kid wanders down to the front and tries to touch the screen, you don't feel so bad when the rest of the audience only paid $.50 to be there.

Like I said, Ok most of the time.

This was NOT one of those times. Like the title depicts, if I had not seen the trailers, I would assume that this movie was about a rabid animal that was taking over the world one awkward looking child at a time based on how much of it I saw.

Potty break after potty break. Mind you, no activity happened during any of these trips. Just Cambri wanting to run around like a demon baby.

So finally I tell her no more. She could pee her pants for all I cared.

And then Izzy had to go. And for the FIRST time in her entire life, she needed me to go with her. Even though we were in the theater directly across from the bathrooms.

I don't know what was more distracting as we walked out this time. Cambri stopping at some random dude's seat to share his popcorn or Izzy's extremely bright light shoes going off at every step.

We finally get back to our seats. And I start to smell something.

Cambri pooped her pants.

I am not even joking.

I grabbed her and ran to the bathroom. As we walk in the door, I am stripping off her pants and I just threw the underwear away.

And it took every ounce of positive energy I had not to drop Cambri right in after it.

She seriously thought this whole thing was hysterical.

We get into a stall and I assess the damage. I'm going to need paper towels and lots of them. Oh, but Edwards in their bout to save the environment one crappy paper towel at a time, only has hand dryers.

So I attempt to take toilet paper and clean the mess up. It wasn't working, I needed water.

It was ooohhhh so tempting to just scoop up some toilet water but of course I couldn't do that. Even to my demon baby.

But the more she moved, the bigger the mess was. So I grabbed the smelly baby, flipped her over so her stinky butt was like 6 inches away from my face and headed to the sink.

Cambri was laughing so hard at this point, hanging upside down, that she couldn't even breathe.

Oh M Ba Gee Gee. I was beside myself at this point.

But when I got done, I was calmed. Until I got back in the theater, I found Izzy running up and down the stairs calling out for me. Her Twinkle Toe Skechers are enough to send an epileptic directly into seizure mode after one step. And she was literally moving up and down, lighting up the entire place.

If you are even a recreational reader of this blog, you know that Izzy doesn't need me vey often. Or at all. EVER.

I gave up. I sat down and almost started crying.

But life goes on. Even in this crazy house.

In fact, right now, I am sitting here on the couch, eating a cupcake, laughing my booty off at the season premiere of Kendra. Her neighbors covered her house in foreclosure notices. So funny!

I'm barely even remembering my tragic movie experience.

For now.