Thank You

In less than a month, not only has my entire life changed but I seriously have forgotten how to blog. I simply cannot remember how it feels to be happy and just relax enough to record day to day things. But in the interest of leaving some kind of long term legacy to my kids, I want to thank some people that touched me in a way that I could never describe adequately in this forum. I want Isabelle and Cambri to see how amazing people were to us in this difficult time because without some of this help I would have never had made it (I still might not).


My Coworkers (Sherri, Kelly, Bryce, Dawn, Tamye, Marcia, Angie, Jeff & Val)- All of these people picked up the slack and told me not to worry about anything. From the second that I called to let them know my mother was in the hospital, I was relieved from all work assignments and stress and told to concentrate on my family. I really wish that I had enough remembrance to account for everything all of these people did for me but you get my drift that I am so lucky to have such awesome coworkers. Flowers, food, books and overall friendship and support were all part of the equation.

Holly- My dear friend. Thank you so much for the beautiful flowers and all of your concern.

Paula- THANK YOU! I know that I was a zombie (& still am) out of shock and you really helped me pick up all the pieces. Volunteering to stay home from your dream vacation was really above and beyond. Izzy owes her top notch dance performance to your kindness. Love you.

Jana- Thank you for dropping everything to come and be with me. Cleaning my house, doing my laundry and everything else that I can’t remember. I owe you a big one.

Ryan & Nicole-I really can’t find the right words to thank you both. I’m just so grateful that we are family.

Stuart-You kept my head above water at school and I'm so thankful for you!

Extended Family-All of you (both mine and Chase’s) dropped everything to make your way to Idaho or send positive thoughts. I will never forget. Thank you!

Cyndy- Thanks dear Auntie for everything. You really helped us all with so much when none of us could think straight.

Bev- My grandma dropped everything and raced to Idaho Falls where she held our hands and let us cry on her shoulder for days. Thank you Gma.

Chasey- And of course my best husband who knows me better than anyone. Love you!

I know there are some people missing off this list but this has been more emotional that I assumed it would be and need to stop. I just wanted to let everyone know how much I appreciate them. More to come. Please forgive typos, misspellings and other general grammatical flaws. I hope my intent of thankfulness comes through...

Connie Sue Thomas: January 3, 1956-March 4, 2010

My mom was the kind of grandma who pretended not to hear me when I told  Isabelle no cereal before dinner. My three year old knows that Grandma was always good for a huge bowl of cinnamon toast crunch even when mom said no. I would tell my mom that we should lay off the sugary cereal to which my mom would say that would make sense once this box was gone. Let's just say that single box of cereal must be going on two years now even though Izzy eats at least four bowls a week. My mom was the kind of grandma who convinced her granddaughters that milk was best with chocolate even after teeth were brushed for the night. My mom was the kind of grandma who turned up the music and danced with the girls on top of the coffee table. My mom was the kind of grandma who spent countless hours swapping grand kid stories with coworkers. My mom was the kind of grandma who loved sleepovers with babies who don't sleep through the night, running errands with two year olds who don't cooperate and spending countless hours reading (& rereading) "When You Throw a Pig a Party.". My mom was the kind of Grandma every kid deserves to have but very few are lucky enough to get. She was meant to be a Grandma and I believe it was one of her most treasured roles. My mom was also the kind of person who was meant to be a Mom. I would like to read a letter that she wrote me back in 2002 right before I left for college.

Dear Katie,

I'm writing this letter on a hot July day. When you read this it will be around midterms. I just want you to know how very proud I am of you. You have been such a special daughter and I am truly blessed to have you. I am praying (yes praying!) that your time here will be the best possible experience for you. I k now it will be very hard at times but that's how it must be. My mothers heart would prefer to smooth your way & take away all pain but that would not in your best interest in the long run (even if I could).
I can't even imagine what life will be like without you on a day to day basis. But I know I will miss you sorely! I don't want to let you go but I want even less to hold you back. Remember always that you are unique and precious to me and to the God that made you. I won't always be around but He will (Don't roll your eyes at me). You have all the potential in the world- that's why I think St. Thomas will be a good fit for you. You are kind & good hearted and I know others will see this in you. You have exceeded my greatest expectations in a child and I'm thankful you're my daughter. I also want you to know that you are my friend as well. I love you Kay Kay!

Love you!

Mom

This letter has meant a lot to me at all different times of my life and is something I will cherish forever. Now it's my turn to let her know how I feel.

Dear Mom,

You have been gone for one week now and you can't imagine how difficult it has been. Every foot step is painful and every breath feels like it should be the last. It's a pretty painful blow to lose your mom and your best friend on the same day. It's also becoming painfully obvious how pampered Chuck, Heidi, Alex and myself have been for the last 27 years. You took such great care of us that the four of us are left starring at the oven trying to figure out how to turn it on. If it weren't for Josh, we might be starving. Another reason to be grateful he is in our family.

Izzy had her first dance recital last Saturday. I told her you wouldn't be able to come but you would be watching from heaven. Her response to me was "That's ok because Grandma Con knows I'm the best anyway but you need to tell Heaven that she can't have her forever." That kid really has no shame. It's no wonder Izzy has such high self esteem because when we were looking through the pictures of you, every single one of them had you gazing at her like she was the reason the sun shines. She's really going to miss you. I feel bad for little Cam Cam because she will never remember how loved she was by her awesome Grandma. But I'm going to do my best to teach her.

You would be really proud of Heidi. She has really done a good job at life but I don't need to tell you that. She, Josh & Marley are going to fine because they have each other and Heidi is so much like you. She has the same inner strength plus she has Josh to lean on.

I'm a little worried about Alex because he seems to be keeping everything in. But you were right when you said he has grown so much this last year. He is such a cool person that really is going to make a difference is this world. Keep a special eye on him though.

Chuck will probably be lost for a little bit Mom. But I'm going to be there with him every step of the way. I will pack his lunch for work. I will help him with his laundry. I will bring him toilet paper when he is stranded in the bathroom. I do wish that you would worked a little more with him on acceptable fashion choices though. He is still wearing socks with sandals and a cowboy hat. It's painful to look at. You have my solemn promise that if he ever tries to add cutoff wranglers to the ensemable, I will have Chase put him in an arm bar. As Pastor Tony pointed out a couple of days ago, you are only "colorful" if you are from a small town. It doesn't become disfunctional until you move to the big city, which fortunately I don't see Dad doing.

As far as I go, I really have no desire to do this without you. But as everyone keeps reminding me, I really don't have a  choice. In your final hours, I spent a lot of time begging and pleading with God to let me trade places with you but it obviously doesn't work that way. I needed you to wake up so I could tell you how many people called and stopped by. How your cowokers expressed concerns and offered hugs to us. How people we didn't even know gathered to pray for you. How Chase's company got him a private plane to bring him home to us which meant that he was there to hold my hand and cry with me. I would also want to tell you that your neices and nephew all updated their facebook statuses asking their friends to pray for you but I realize that would probably lead to a much longer conversation on how facebook works and we would both end up with a headache. But you can catch my drift that so many different people needed you here on Earth. I honestly don't know how to do it without you but I will try and find a way. It's going to take me a few months to get out of our daily morning phone call. Part of me is hoping that I can continue to call the the Imaging Center and Mary will just continue to tell me that you are with a patient but I know that's not going to happen. All I can say is that I'm grateful you were my mom.

The six of us have truly seen our darkest hours these last days. But we have all agreed to keep going in your honor and act in a way that will make you proud. We would give anything to have you back but we know that you are in a better place. I know that while you would want to come back and give us all a hug, you really would prefer to stay in God's amazing light.

Love you Mom!

Kay Kay

Yes, She Thinks She's a Fairy

I can't decide who I should feel sorrier for. Izzy for not being able to grasp reality or Cambri for being too innocent to stop herself from being dragged along. My beautiful three year old has discovered the fun of dress up but doesn't quite have the skills to separate it from reality. I woke up last weekend and things were quiet. Way too quiet considering that it was almost 9am. While I LOVED being able to sleep in because that never happens, I was obviously extremely concerned. With good reason. I found Izzy completely dressed in her fairy costume, sitting in the crib and waiving her enchanted wand in Cam Cam’s little face. She was chanting “Bippity Boppity Boo. I will lift you from this bed. Which rhymes with dead” over and over again. She was trying to use her wand to magically lift Cam Cam out of bed. When I was trying to get her out of the crib, she kept telling me that it was “almost” working so I should let her “keep trying”. Oh little Izzy. When I wanted her to wear the costume, she refused. Now she puts it on and expects to be a real life fairy. I have shown a couple of people these pictures and they have all reeled back in horror, shocked that I didn’t end up with a 8 month old baby laying on hardwood floor suffering from a concussion. Honestly, it didn’t even occur to me that once Izzy was in the crib and had experienced wand failure, that she would try to lift Cambri out herself. Good thing it didn’t occur to her either. I think I will always be a work in progress.