A Different Kind of Sad

As some of you out there know, I had my tubes tied this week. It was a strange feeling as I laid there in the surgery holding area by myself. I felt completely alone and everyone bone in my body was telling me to get up and run. But my head was telling me that I was doing the right thing for our family. Chase wasn't able to be at the hospital with me because someone had to take care of our kids but I know that he was very hesitant about the surgery. The number one reason why I went through with it is because I want our two kids to have every opportunity they can possibly have. Even adding one more to the mix takes away from finite resources i.e. energy, time & money that parents can offer their children. I love my kids enough to want them to get everything that I can give. I need them to know that really everything I do is for them and that means stopping with them. I was told once that every mom goes through a mourning period when they realize they will never have another child. Here I am at 25 and going through that feeling. I feel very selfish for feeling sad right know but I have to accept that it is normal and won't last forever. While I do feel very sad right now, I know that eventually I will feel comfortable with this decision. I really don't have a choice at this point. But by knowing that Isabelle and Cambri are it without a doubt gives me the responsibility (and privilege) of enjoying every singe moment I have with my kids. Right now I feel like a semi has taken me out but this to shall pass and physically and emotionally I will be ok.