The moral of this story is that I am obviously not qualified to be the aunt of a 7 year old boy. He only puts up with me because I let him play my wii.
Someone has taken blue crayon to the couch. I can only assume that it was Izzy as Cam Cam has not discovered the joy of opposable thumbs. I can’t tell you when it happened other than within the last 48 hours. I can’t tell you where I was. I can’t tell you anything other than someone has taken blue crayon to the couch. Hmmmm I wonder if I can get Chase to buy the world is our canvass b.s. again? Maybe…
Yesterday, as we were leaving dance class, Izzy looked up at me and said, “Mommy, is beyotch a bad word?” Of course, I immediately turned my attention to her and said under my breath, “Yes, Izzy beyotch is a bad word.” She looked at me with one of her quizzical expressions and said (very loudly if you ask me), “You say beyotch all the time.” At this point I’m sure all the other mothers were staring at me in horror but I was way too embarrassed to look up. So I replied, “Izzy you are very right, I say that word all the time and I will quit saying it immediately.” This seemed to pacify her but I’m going to have to switch dance classes because I have now been classified as the heathen parent. I just wish that I wasn’t so addicted to the word. But this experience has probably shamed it out of me.
This is a picture of a lady who had twins and was wrongly told that she couldn't produce milk for both and opted to breastfeed her son and bottle fed her daughter. The little girl died shortly after this photo was taken. Formula in third world countries is often too expensive for the everyday family and so they supplement with too much water (which obviously I wouldn't do). But for now, this photo has given me the strength to keep feeding little Cam Cam and pumping at work to keep my supply up. Maybe (& this is a novel concept coming up here folks so brace yourselves) I'll start laying out clothes and finding matching socks the night before to save myself time instead.
Last weekend, my mom and I went to Community Days at Tautphaus park. We had a really good time. Idaho Fun Jumps was there and they are the company I use to bring the bounce house to Izzy's birthday parties. Those of you who know Izzy can probably see where this story is going. She assumed that it was still her "club house" as she calls it and she wanted to park herself by the opening and decide which kids got to come in. Fortunately, she was "granting access" to everyone but unfortunately it really wasn't her place to do this in the first place. When I finally got that concept to click, she started jumping. Then she began asking the other children, "Are you having fun in my club house?" The above mentioned children had no idea what she was talking about. Then she looked at me and said, "Wow Mom, look how many friends I have!" It was pretty cute. The zoo was actually free to all that day so after the bounce house got old, we walked over there. After battling crowds of people, it finally occured to me that the zoo is free to me everyday because of our annual pass. Hello Katie! Oh well, Izzy didn't seem to notice that we cut the zoo excursion short in lieu of some quaility nap time. It was still a good day in my book. 
I ran across this picture today and it made me sad. Yes, I’m still sad that I will never have another baby again. I think I should be starting to get over it but accepting something so final has proven more difficult than I originally thought. Knowing that Cambri will be my last has made me appreciate her all the more. I love holding her and I’m so excited to watch her grow into a great person. But part of me wishes she would just stay little forever.
I was going through my files and realized that I missed putting Izzy's 3rd birthday on here. I can't believe it. Chase was out of town but my sister drove all the way from Illinois to be here for Izzy's birthday that I decided to throw the party right on August 11th. Idaho Fun Jumps arrived to set up the bounce house when Izzy was down for a nap, so when she woke up and saw it she was beyond excited. I cooked dinner for everyone (from scratch!! It literally took me all day but that is a completely different story) and my house was so full of people that Izzy was coasting off pure adrenaline as she bounced from group to group. I asked (begged) people not to bring gifts because I wanted Izzy to understand that the true gift was people rescheduling their lives and using their time to support her. People still brought gifts. What can you do? 
We had a great dinner at my parents house. Good food, good company and a nice break.
And though she didn't go to bed early, Cambri was very sweet in her bassinet all night long. 
Chase just texted me this photo and I just want to get in car and go home. I'm jealous of my husband becaue he gets her all to himself!
This is the reason that I’m loving Facebook today. I love talking to old friends and seeing how accomplished they are in their new lives. I stole this picture off Holly’s Facebook page, though I have an original copy so maybe the word stealing is a little harsh, but I wanted to post it so she would know that I was thinking about her. I always loved this picture of her. When I saw her name come across my inbox with a friend request, I had another one of those moments where I just felt normal again. I can’t describe it but I just felt a little more complete. We had so much fun and though the words “Charlie’s Angels Tolietpapering Experience” probably won’t mean anything to anyone else, I know Holly will understand. And then there will be two people laughing at the story I’m reliving in my head…
Here is the conversation that Izzy and I had this morning.
Little Cam Cam’s birth was special in a different way than her older sister’s. When Cambri Elliott came into this world, only her Dad and I were there (well and an entire hospital staff). While I wouldn’t trade sharing the moment with family the first time around for anything, being able to just admire your newborn for a couple of hours is really nice too. On Thursday, June 25th Dr. O said that I couldn’t go to work anymore. He had suggested that I slow down a couple of weeks earlier and when I obviously didn’t listen, he put me on mandatory medical leave. So my loving mother picked Isabelle up from daycare that night and volunteered to keep her until baby arrived. Any pregnant woman who has a two year old can attest to what a blessing this was. So I just laid in bed and watched a ton of Discovery Health. Which completely freaked me out but that’s a whole different story. I did learn there were a ton of different scenarios where you could be pregnant and not know it but on with my own narrative. My due date was still a couple of weeks out so I told Chase not to worry about coming home. It really didn’t make sense to me to have the two of us just hanging out and doing nothing. Over the weekend, I kept praying and wishing that something would happen but I didn’t even have Braxton Hicks contractions. Nothing. On Monday morning, I had a doctor appointment and when I walked out to get in my car I saw that my brother-in-law had broken the cardinal rule for living in my house. I felt my body tense up the entire way to the doctor’s office. By the time they took my blood pressure, it was so high that they sent me immediately to the hospital and Dr. O said I should count on staying there until baby was born. I couldn’t even go home for my toothbrush. Of course I got the hospital room with the broken TV but that actually gave me time to reflect on what I was 
about to go through. My mom brought me magazines and books on lunch and I just laid there. But then they came into give me an ultrasound to determine the baby’s size and they found an abnormality with the reproduction system of my baby. Hearing this was too much for me to handle and it made me very sad. I decided that I would only tell Chase until we knew more (but then I accidentally told my mom and he ended up telling his but they were the two right people to tell). When Chase called and found out that I was in the hospital, he insisted on coming home right away. I tried to talk him out of it because it was already past 7pm but he could not be deterred. Then right around 8, the nurse came in and said my blood pressure had dropped enough that I could go home if I wanted. I completely lost at this point because I just wanted to have this baby and I couldn’t believe I had to leave the hospital before I had her in my arms. I started bawling and I could barely see to pack my stuff up. They tried to wheel me out to my car in a wheelchair and I had a diva moment. I insisted that I would walk myself out ALONE. I was crying down the hallway when I passed a lady that I work with whose niece just had her baby 4 weeks early. Of course I would never wish for a premature baby but that just added to my mental distress. I was still grouchy at my brother-in-law, though I had calmed down enough for my blood pressure to drop, I still didn’t want to go to my house. So I went to my parents and I could barely see to drive myself there because I was crying. Chase pulled up to my parent’s house at around 1am. I had calmed down a little and was starting to see the doctors reasoning for sending me home. I was much more comfortable in my own surroundings (part of the reason why I can definitely see the appeal for a home birth). We sat and talked for a little while and then decided to go to bed around 3am. I used the restroom upstairs and as I was walking downstairs, I felt something run down my leg. I usually practice a very sanitary restroom routine so I thought something was up. But of course I couldn’t even see my knees at this point in my pregnancy so I couldn’t be sure of anything. I told Chase that it would crazy if my water had just broken and we both laughed. As we crawled into bed, I still felt liquid running down my legs. I laid there for a little and then woke Chasey up. We called the hospital and they told me to come back so they could check me. I immediately got very excited and jumped out of bed. Then I realized I hadn’t had a shower in almost 24 hours and if I really had the baby I wouldn’t be able to take one right away. So I insisted on jumping into the shower. And because anyone rarely uses the bathroom downstairs at my moms, I kept sending Chase up and down the stairs for shampoo and conditioner and a brush and my toothbrush and so on. The constant up and down woke my dad up who came out to see what was going on. When he went back into his room to tell my mom, she jumped up and came to find me. I told her that Chase was going to take me to hospital but it would probably be awhile so I would call her. This held her off for a little while. We got to the hospital around 4am and she was there by 6. As we drove to the hospital, I kept waiting for contractions to start because I heard that when you water breaks, it amplifies the pain. I kept feeling little pains and but nothing that lasted longer than a little “ow.” Everytime I said ow Chase would give me a 
panicked look like he was afraid he was going to have to deliver the baby himself in the car. I still wasn’t feeling very much pain by the time I got checked into the hospital but everyone agreed that I was in labor. When the doctor came into check me, he said that if I didn’t get my epidural within the next few minutes it would be too late. Earlier in my pregnancy, I thought of skipping the epidural cost and doing it naturally but to hear the doctor say that in the moment caused my blood pressure to spike. So the nurse ran off to find the anesthesiologist to help me out. In retrospect, it went so quickly that I could have pushed through it (and later I was kicking myself because this would have been the perfect baby to have at home). Before I knew it, it was almost 8 and my mom had to leave for work. Dr. O had been milling around and he told me that he had a surgery patient upstairs waiting for him but this baby would probably be born before he could complete the procedure. Hearing that kind of freaked me out. Right after he said that, he checked me and said I could start pushing. I was in my first set of three pushes, when everyone stopped counting. I looked at Chase and said, “Do they want me to keep going?” And he said, “Babe, you just had a baby.” And I looked down and there was little Cambri being lifted up. I couldn’t believe how easy it was. With Isabelle I pushed for over an hour. But little Cam Cam came into the world at 8:46 am with little effort on my part. Dr. O left shortly after for surgery (8 weeks later when I had my tubes tied, he was late for my surgery because he was delivering someone else’s baby so what goes around comes around and I was just grateful to have such a good doctor). The nurse left and Chase and I just spent the next hour totally alone with our new baby. When we called his mom to tell her baby had come (she had been planning on coming up that day or the next one) she didn’t believe us. When Chase held the phone up so she could hear the little baby noises, she hung up on him because she just dropped the phone to get into her car. Because of baby’s abnormality, they wanted Cambri to stay in the hospital for a full three days and it was much easier to keep me admitted with her for feeding and sleeping purposes. Over the next few days, it was crazy with visitors. The nurse told me that if hadn’t been a violation of my privacy, they would have printed out a sign that said “Burke Baby room 176” because every person who walked in was looking for us. My dad said he had barely opened his mouth to speak before the nurse said, “I bet you’re looking for room 176” and he came on day 1! Chase and I counted over 50 people who loved us enough to stop what they were doing and come visit us, some having to drive 5+ hours to do so. I think this is a testament to how much love Cambri can count on through her life. Right from the beginning, she was surrounded with a massive amount of people who were willing to help protect her from what can be an ugly world. But I don’t have any fear that Cambri will find this world ugly. In fact, she is only 12 weeks and I can already see a sweet, old soul that will make a difference in a great amount of lives. Hopefully her friendliness and compassion will give her a servant’s heart and she can use the tools given to her to accomplish something great. I know this account seems more detailed than the one I gave of Izzy and probably some of that has to do with time that has passed too quickly and small details that have been long forgotten. But I also have to say that I appreciated this experience much more at a mature 25 than at an inexperienced 22. Already being a mother helped calm my fears so that I could just relax and enjoy bringing this new life into the world. It is the one time in my life where I will directly assist God in a miracle. Awesome, huh?
I finally found something that my little dearest is scared of. Her fearlessness sometimes keeps me up at night because I know there is nothing I can do about it. When she and I were in Price last week, we went out for lunch. I walked away from the counter to put the baby on the table and I thought little Izzy was behind me. All of a sudden I hear a little voice demanding to know why the lady behind the counter wasn’t reacting quickly enough to the my diva’s food order. “You should be getting my food you know” is what she said. As I ran back (in shock) to retrieve this kid, she kept saying to me “What’s that girl doing? She should be getting our food.” I had to clamp my hand over her mouth to get her to focus on being quiet. I know that my daughter is a sponge and she reacts like Chase and I react. But I can honestly say that neither Chase or I have ever, ever acted like that. I really have no idea where this sense of entitlement came from but hopefully I can work it out of her. So back to the no fear thing (obviously she isn’t scared of being rude unfortunately). Izzy is one of those kids that will jump feet first into a swimming pool without being concerned of anything silly, you know, like whether or not she has the ability to swim. But when we took her to hibachi while we were in Illinois, she freaked. The chef came out and threw down lighter fluid which started the flames very quickly and the kid almost went into cardiac arrest. She actually crawled into my lap out of fear which I don’t think has every happened before. Right then I thought, “Thank goodness, Izzy has some healthy fear in her life.” Of course, not even thirty seconds after the photo of her on my lap was taken, she had recovered and was slamming her fists on the counter while chanting “fire, fire, fire.” 
Good news on the home front. Cambri had her third ultrasound and the radiologist that performed it declared her to be free of any major medical affliction. He said that there were signs of a ruptured cyst, but that was extremely positive because not only is the cyst gone, it means that it definitely wasn’t a tumor. Whether or not Cam felt anything when the cyst ruptured we will probably never know. The doctor said it was actively shrinking throughout her life so it was probably so small when it finally burst that she felt only a mild discomfort if anything. I can attest to the fact that she never showed any abnormal signs of distress anytime during the past few weeks. Thanks goodness! Cambri continues to be a very mellow baby except for her sleeping habits. She is still not going to bed until 11 or so and wakes up around 6 to eat. This is unacceptable. But alas, no matter how many times I tell her that she REFUSES to comprehend that Mommy is not a night person and continues with this unpleasant behavior. I guess I was spoiled with Izzy who started sleeping from 8pm-8am at 7 weeks. Now that I’m back at work, I need little Cam Cam to cooperate with me! 
While this blog did begin to keep Chase in touch with his family, it has kind of morphed into my own special memory legacy for my children. I have been reading other people's blogs and some of my favorite posts have been about the births of babies. It's so much fun to read other people's experiences. So I thought I would pull up the memory bank and write down Izzy's birth so she
can come back and read it one day. When Chase and I had been married for five months, I was still working in Pocatello full time. I was looking at the calendar scheduling mall events for the 2008 when it clicked in my head that I hadn't had a period in 8 weeks. I started feeling very flustered. It was in December, so we had a customer service center out in the common area selling mall gift cards and I usually went out to check on things during lunch so the employee could take a break. I went out there and immediately jumped online to figure out what pregnancy symptoms were. Right then my boss, Rob, walked up behind me. His number one rule about customer service was no personal Internet use. I personally didn't care because I know how boring it can be but of course he wanted to know what I was doing. When I told him, he thought I was crazy but he went down 
to the dollar store and bought me a pregnancy test. Thinking back about this, he and I got along too well! But anyway I went into the bathroom and I was freaking out. I was really jumpy so I grabbed the test and I went back into my office. Right when I walked into my office, the test turned positive. I immediately hit the floor on my knees and started hyperventilating. Our AA, Tamye, grabbed a bag and picked me up off the floor. I was in trauma mode, to say the least. Rob let me go home after that. I got in my car and set off to find Chase. He was helping his brother with the lunch rush at DQ when I walked in the door and for some reason he immediately knew why I was there. He and I always have been connected in a weird way. It was a crazy time in our lives. We were in the middle of buying our house and we were sooooooooo young. But the next nine months went quickly. Then on Monday, August 7th, I went to the doctors office. I wasn't due until August 18 but Izzy was so big already that Dr. O didn't want me to wait until then unless I had a moral stance against being induced. At that point, I didn't want to have a C section so I decided that I could be induced. But the hospital was full. In fact, that week the hospital was above 100% occ
upied. I didn't know how that was possible until I saw shanty rooms in the hallways. Tuesday, hospital was still full. Finally Wednesday night they called with an opening. We didn't know how long we would be there, so my mom came and picked us up and took us to the hospital. But she was a nazi about me eating so I went to the hospital hungry. Luckily, the nurse said I could eat, so I got Arby's. That night, they started me on medicine to thin the cervix. The next morning, Dr. O came in at 9am to break my water. They had given me an Ambien the night before, so I actually slept through the night for the first time in forever and he actually had to wake me up. After that, the nurse came in and gave me pain medicine. I remember looking at Chase and saying, "This must be what it feels like to be high on something." I hated the feeling of not being in control but I was really tense at that point. After that, the anesthesiologist came in and I just collapsed on the nurse as he stuck me. I wa
s staring at Chase's face and he was having trouble making eye contact with me. That's when I knew it was bad. But I was so tired at that point, that I didn't care. During this time, I remember Chase telling me I have to hurry because his brother wanted to see the baby before he left for Boston. At this point, I have a million witty things that I could have said to him but then I just stared at him like I couldn't believe he was trying to tell me that. FINALLY at one o'clock in the afternoon, after being at the hospital for 16 hours, the nurse said I was ready to push. Everyone left except for Chase, my mom and my mother-in-law. I was so scared that I couldn't breathe right. So they put me on oxygen. I pushed and pushed but nothing was happening. It turned out that Izzy was coming out head first but face up instead of down and her nose was getting caught on my pelvis bone. After forty five minutes, I told the nurse I couldn't do it and I was ready to give up. Right after that, I turned and threw up in the bed pan that my mother-in-law was holding and caught a second wind. The doctor came in that point and quickly turned Izzy the right way. He stepped out and the nurse told me to push. All of a sudden, she started yelling at me to stop because Izzy's head had come all the way out with that one push and she went to get the doctor. He came back in and at 1:57 p.m. Thursday, August 11, Isabelle Grace Burke came into the world and I honestly thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The epidural had caused my arms to go completely numb so I was the last one to hold her. I watched everyone pass her around and then I finally got to hold her. She was so precious. Now when I look at her, I don't seem the same sweet innocence that I did that day. Instead, I see a vibrant, precocious, fearless three year old that really could have the world at her fingertips. I also see a small tendency for her to make her life more complicated than it needs to be by being too much of a nonconformist but that is part of her charm. She is so fearless that sometimes I worry about her getting into trouble too easily. But at the end of the day, I am committed to this child with everything that I have and I want her to learn her own way and make her own mistakes. I want her to be a well rounded person that isn't scared to say her mind (hopefully in a respectful way). Something tells me though that I don't need to worry too much. She has too much going for her on this planet to end up anything less than a creative, energetic, passionate person. 
One last quick note for tonight. While we in St. Louis, Izzy got to see the Budweiser Clydesdales. They were huge but Izzy didn't even flinch. In fact, when I walked around the corner, Izzy had her hand in the cage trying to get the horses to come to her. She was standing in front of a sign that said, "Horses will bite." Even if she could read, I doubt she would have cared. She's really not scared of anything.
