Big Belly Memory

I ran across this picture today and it made me sad. Yes, I’m still sad that I will never have another baby again. I think I should be starting to get over it but accepting something so final has proven more difficult than I originally thought. Knowing that Cambri will be my last has made me appreciate her all the more. I love holding her and I’m so excited to watch her grow into a great person. But part of me wishes she would just stay little forever.

Slighlty Uncomfortable

So I went back to the doctor, all excited to have an ultrasound and hear something to the tune of "Let's head straight to the hospital." No such luck. In fact, not one little thing has changed since last Monday. Well one thing is changing. This kid is already over 8 1/2 pounds (and still growing). After he told me that, the worst, most horrible thing came out of Dr. Oldroyd's mouth. He said, "Let's ride it out for a couple more weeks and see how things go." My face instantly fell. I know that he has no control over this baby and she will come when she's ready. But to hear that at 9 months pregnant is seriously more than I could handle. I know that he knew I was upset because he then said, "I know your slightly uncomfortable, especially with such a big baby, but it'll be over soon." My eyes immediately dropped to the floor and I refused to make eye contact with anyone, which is what I do when I feel any kind of overwhelming emotion. In my head (I always have so much more attitude inside my head!) I was screaming, "NO! Slightly uncomfortable is what you would feel if I kicked you. Or if I screamed as loud as I could into your ear. SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE is not what you feel when walking around with two bowling balls in your stomach."But I just kept my head down and my mouth shut until he walked out of the room. Then the tears started to flow. I couldn't even walk out of the room because I was so overwhelmed. And exhausted. I have the horrible feeling that this kid will make an appearance later than sooner and I just have to accept it. Even though I don't want to. I should be grateful for more time because I was able to wrap up more things at work and more importantly get things ready at home. But it's a challenge to see the silver lining when you can't sleep more than 2 hours at a time and your husband has been called back to work after only being home three days this entire month.

3 cm!

Yayyy! I went to the doctor and I'm already dilated to a 3! This baby actually may come anyday now. Though the doctor did preface this next comment with the disclaimer of "some woman stay at a 3 for weeks," he did seem to think that I wouldn't have to wait that long and "it would progress rather quickly". He probably shouldn't have told me that because now my anxiety levels are up after every slight pain or movement. I keep thinking this must be it. This must be what labor feels like. But alas nothing seems to move ahead. I run to the mirror (ok so the word "run" is misleading, I couldn't really even truthfully say "move quickly") every morning to see if the baby looks like its coming down at all. Now that Dr. O said it could be anyday, this kid is going to get stubborn and wait it out. Izzy is a Leo and she actually matches fairly closely with most character traits of children born under a fire sign. So I'm ok with waiting until June 21st so this baby would be a Cancer. They say water children are more complacent. The doctor moved my ultrasound up to next Monday so that we can establish the size of this baby. I'm going to curse myself by throwing this out there, but when Dr. O saw Izzy on her last ultrasound, he induced me the next day because of her size. So hopefully I'm really close to meeting our newest (AND LAST) addition.

The Calm Before The Storm

Jana bought Izzy some new pajamas so I thought it would be fun to take a cute picture and mail it down to her. As I was concentrating on the camera and trying to get Izzy to smile, I look up and see her leaping at me. This picture was taken seconds before she landed knees first into my very pregnant stomach. It hurt so bad that I thought I was paralyzed for life. But when you look at this picture, it's hard to stay mad because all you see is a child filled with joy. She just loves her Mom! I also have heard that strong willed children respond well to positive physical contact so I took this one for the team.

One Big Baby

This kid is already measuring two weeks ahead of schedule. Which I'm really not complaining about but it is making things rather tight. I feel like this little girl moves twice as much as Isabelle did. Complete strangers at work will just stare at my stomach when I'm trying to talk to them because she is moving all the time. I feel so sore because of this. I took this video to prove that I'm not crazy and that this baby really is doing flips inside my belly. My doctor says that I should start to feel a little bit less movement because there is less room available but this kid is just streching out my skin to a point where I will never recover. Such is life ;) This moving went on for 55 seconds but Chase's phone would only let me email myself 9 seconds.

Hormonal Pregnancy Woman Rant

So only 39 days until I get this kid out of me. Thank goodness! There are moments where I seriously doubt I can do this for one more hour let alone days. But you find the strength (mainly because you have no choice). I know that these 39 days will go fast and trust me when I say I need them because I really have nothing ready for this baby. But lately I have had some serious second thoughts about naming this baby Elliott. Mainly because everyone looks at me like I’m stupid and I do not want to pass that on to my child. One of my biggest pet peeves in this life is people who saddle their kids with ridiculous names. Every time I meet a Princess, Cherry or Sugar, I seriously cringe. Do people really lack that much respect for their unborn children? I can’t get over how dumb people are. It’s almost as bad for me when people spell their kids names like they just got dropped on their heads. When Isabelle was born, a lady in an online group suggested I spell it Izzabellayah to “be different.” I wanted to ask her how in the hell that proved to the general population how “different” I was other than the fact I was willing to torture my child for years to come on continuously spelling out her name. The other day, I was trying to get an email address from a lady named Victoria. When I stared spelling it out with a V-I, she corrected me. Her name is Veectoryiah. Are you freaking kidding me? Not that I believe Elliott is anywhere near that level, I just don’t think that it has been used enough for girls to establish a pattern of ambiguity between sexes. Do I really want to give that job to my child? I don’t know. My heart tells me yes but my head tells me no. And I’m a head person. And its funny because I love the name Elliott, I love what it represents but the second Chase and I talked about Cambree, it just felt right. So as of now I’m going with this, I just have to break in Grandma Great to the idea…

You Got A Big Belly

Last night for dinner we went to my Mom’s house. My dad just had surgery on his face and so we stopped by to make sure he recovered. Everyone will be relieved to know that no face transplant will be required at this point though it appears half of his face has been lifted and the other half sags like an old man. I’ll have to get some pictures. Anyway, my mother cooked enough spaghetti for 10 people (I’m not exaggerating at all) to eat and be stuffed. So when she went to scoop out some for Izzy, I told her there was no way that Isabelle would eat that much. Oh but she did. And then she went on to have seconds. Then a bowl of watermelon. Then two bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I couldn’t believe it. She just kept eating. I asked her if she ate anything for lunch and she said a sandwich and soup. Sometimes I wonder if we put things on our kids by assuming too much. Izzy wrapped up the night by singing for me which I got on video. It might be hard for outside ears to understand her, but she is singing Maria the Cowgirl off Sesame Street. There is a great moment where she comments on my stomach that just gave me oodles of self esteem. I guess its her job to make sure I don’t feel too comfortable with myself.

Mother's Day

On Friday I got the most beautiful bouquet of flowers delievered to my work. The lady at the flower store could barely get through the door. Use the paper towel in the background for a real life size comparison. Chasey sent them to me for Mother’s Day. It was a nice surprise that broke up the work day for me. I know I’m not his mother but it was still great to feel appreciated for all the work I put into our two kids. On Sunday, Chase brought me a carmel apple. It was heaven! Of course by Monday it was easy to see how I had gained 4 ½ pounds in one week. This after coming off the high of losing 2 ½ pounds at the doctor visit before. Oh well. Such is life. It wasn’t only the carmel apple. We met Ryan and Nicki for brunch at Garcias at 9 and then topped it off with a barbeque at my parents at 2. So food was pretty much the focus of the entire day. Walking into Garcia’s, I passed out in the parking lot. I skinned my leg and sprained my ankle. I looked up and my skirt was literally around my neck. I was crying because it was so embarrassing and honestly I don’t really remember too much about breakfast until we went to leave. I had calmed down by that point. Mother’s Day is too much for me to handle. It made me feel really old and decrepit. But the honest truth is that nothing makes me happier than my little angel, especially when she’s sleeping.

Izzy's Baby

I honestly feel as though these days I’m in pure survival mode. I know this is sad because I still have three months to go but essentially being a single parent at home has worn on me harder than I could have ever imagined. That being said, Izzy and I are starting to fall into a routine, which is good for high spirited children and their incredibly tired pregnant mothers. Every morning we wake up and play for a few minutes and then I turn on Sesame Street for Izzy while I get in the shower. This morning I heard Izzy screaming for me. I jumped out of the shower and went running into my room and she had the most serious look on her face. She was holding her shirt up and said, “Mommy, come here and give me your hands.” At this point I’m a little freaked out because she had this strange look on her face but I gave her my hands, which she put on her belly. Then she said, “Can you feel it? My baby broder Ewwellot is moving!” It was so cute but I was trying not to laugh because it was so real to her. I then felt her little belly growl and I realized she thought she had a baby in there because I’m always trying to get her to feel my belly. I told her that her belly was emptier than a gay club on straight night but that kind of went over her head. A bowl of cereal later we were good to go. I only wish I had my camera because it was so sweet.

It's a girl!

It's a girl! The doctor and I saw that very clearly today but Chase is holding on to his 2% chance that he may get a boy. We weren't even to the truck this morning before he was trying to convince me that having another one after this one wouldn't be so bad. I know that he going through a grieving period for his lost NFL player today, so I let the comment go. Tomorrow though, involuntary sterilization.

Random Izzy Thoughts...

I have a lot to blog about today because I have been away for so long. I actually have a valid reason. My blood pressure is very high which is causing me to have a habitual headache. Which makes it difficult to stare at a computer screen for too long. But I'm feeling much better today, so I really want to get caught up. My parents have been so great (they always are but exceptionally so lately) and they have been picking Izzy up four nights a week so that I can go to the gym. I feel so much better when I have a small amount of personal time that I can spend on the treadmill. Not that it appears to be doing much good, as I have gained 13 pounds this month. But oh well. Sadly, I have gained as much weight this time around as I did when I was 19 weeks pregnant with Izzy. This is not a good sign. But as the nurse pointed out, most of my weight gain was in the last four months with Isabelle, so I need to be extra careful. This is not fun, but extremely neccessary, to hear. But Izzy has been going out of her way to be helpful and she assisted my mom with the dishes the other night. Hopefully she can do enough to earn her keep that they will want to continue to pick her up. It really is a life saver.

Introducing Elliott Burke!

This is a horrible picture, but I'm in a hurry. Chase and I are having another baby and the newest Burke addition is due July 4th. But I know that if I'm still pregnant on July 4th, I will be suicidal so this will probably be a June baby. Happy Birthday Chase because this is the only thing you are getting! Just kidding. Last week I was tired and grouchy and I had a feeling that I was suffering from the nine month flu. But I kept taking pregnancy test (I'm embarrassed to say how many but 5) and they kept coming up negative. All of the instructions said to wait three days until taking the next one if you still suspect you are pregnant so I made myself do that even though it was very hard. And finally one came up positive and then I took two more just be sure and they were all positive. Chase and I have been thinking about another baby but we really only decided last month. But here goes!Anyway, Chase and I decided that we would name this baby Elliot no matter what the sex is because it was my grandpa's middle name and it would mean a lot to us to have a reminder. Especially because I'm pregnant right now. I know what you are thinking. Even if it's a girl? Yes! This question was the first thing out of my moms mouth and yes I did see that look Mother! It was kind of a cringe but I looked it up online and Elliott with two t's is the feminine form and Elliot with one t is the masculine form. Plus, I think that having an Izzy and an Ellie would be cute so this is no longer up for debate. But I am praying and bargaining with God for another girl. I wouldn't know what to do with a boy and I really want another girl.