I was going to save this blog from becoming my pitying grounds but I can’t help myself. I miss my mom more that I could ever express and I still don’t feel like I have even “recovered” in the slightest ways. These days it may be easier to put a smile on my face for a few hours but I still have a Grand Canyon size hole in my heart. I honestly don’t feel as though I will ever be able to move on. I actually don’t really want to. I want my mom back. I still feel like when I hit the breaking point, when it becomes absolutely too hard to do this for one more second, my mom is going to come walking through the door. Some nights when I’m sitting at home alone after the kids go to bed, I just stare at the ceiling and cry. It’s very isolating to have a husband on the road three weeks a month and only a 4 year old and a baby to keep you company. Those are the moments where I want to pick up the phone and call my mom. And tell her things like...
Izzy learned to ride a bike!
Cam Cam learned to crawl!
And then learned how to use a computer the very next day!
Izzy is still taking pictures
But there are no more phone calls. There are no new memories to add. There are no redos. This is the reality I have to face and don't want to. What makes me the most sad is looking at my little beings and knowing that they will have no idea how loved they were. I just wish things were different.
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