My neighbors want us out. Immediately. I don’t blame them
for a second. In fact, if there’s already a petition working it’s way around,
I’ll sign.
Why am I’m sure there’s a secret-eviction meeting going on
right now? Because we’re officially the proud owners of 5.5 pets and common
sense tells me that’s not okay.
It’s the people of my family who are certifiably insane. I’m
actually normal and think it’s okay to own, like, zero pets. The rest of them
can’t get enough.
It all started out like a normal day. I went to work and figured
my family would find a way to entertain themselves.
They did. The pictures started rolling in. Not the
yay-we’re-swimming shots I was expecting. The kind of pictures that lets me
know there had been some kind of breakdown in the system.
Selfies with shelter cats. #badsign
How did my girls possibly get to the Idaho Falls Animal
Shelter to start snapping these pictures? As crafty as they are, I doubt they
have mastered teleportation, or at the very least hitchhiking, at ripe old ages
of 8 and 11. So this all points to…
Chase.
The mastermind behind ALL of the animals in our home. He
knew a plea from an 8 year old would be hard to shut down. He’s smart but I’m
quick. Once I saw the very first picture pop up on my cell phone, I had him on
the phone, telling him to immediately drop whatever animal he was holding
(safely) and vacate the premise. I had to act fast because I’ve been here
before and ended up with a hunting dog that NEVER listened to me. Hence the .5
in our overall animal count. I’ve rehomed her to my dad’s farm but she still
“belongs” to us.
At this point, they dropped this bomb on me. It was not one,
but TWO kittens, who needed a home. I was almost beside myself. There’s no sane
reason to adopt two kittens at the same time.
Isabelle: But they need a home!
Cambri: We can’t separate brothers!
Isabelle: Yeah! Do you want me and Cambri separated if
something happens to you?
This, peeps, is what I was up against. Master manipulators
in training.
Katie: You guys are anthropomorphizing these animals.
Cambri: Anabanana what?!?!
Katie: These kittens don’t know they need a home and they
certainly have no concept of brotherhood. You’re giving human qualities to
animals that don’t have the same intellectual abilities as we do.
Isabelle: What would Jesus do? I think he loves all
creatures.
Yup. The Jesus card. My eleven year old wasn’t messing
around. But it worked. My heart had started to soften and I choked out the
words, “Okay, we can get one…”
Chase: Let’s go get our cats, girls!
Katie: NO! I said one!
Chase: Well, I see your mom’s mouth moving but I’m not
comprehending her words so that means she doesn’t really mean it.
Okay, he didn’t really say that but I know he was thinking
it. I kept up the objections but nobody listened over the shouts of “Thanks
Dad!” and “You’re the best, Dad!”
At the end of the day, I was left in the driveway asking who
was possibly going to take care of all of these animals as my family drove off
to pick up our newest additions. We already have a spastic yorkie, a geriatric
poodle who requires daily medication and a full-grown cat who is so lazy, I
practically have to hand feed him. I mean, why not add two more kittens to the
mix?
Oh wait. Because I do all the work. That’s why. Though I was
assured I wouldn’t have to lift a finger, that feeble promise didn’t even last
24 hours. Chase left on a three-week business trip and both girls went to
summer camp for a week the VERY NEXT DAY while I stayed at home litter training
two kittens. Such is the life of a mom who never learned how to say no.
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