Life After VSG

Today I woke up 80 pounds lighter than I was when I started my weight loss journey four months ago. I am a new person, not only physically but mentally as well.  If you’re keeping tabs, this is the third part in a series I’ve been writing about losing weight. This hasn’t been an easy adventures but your support makes all the difference. Thank you.

Just to get you caught up if you have missed the first two issues, I decided to have a vertical sleeve gastrectomy, which is a surgical procedure to permanently reduce the size of the stomach. A smaller stomach fills up faster, making you feel full before you start overeating.  Using surgical staples to section off most of your stomach, the surgeon creates a long vertical tube (or "sleeve") about the size of a banana and disposes of the excess stomach for good.

When I woke up from surgery, I remember pushing the happy button a lot. This magical device was supposed to deliver pain medicine at will. I also remember the very kind nurse telling me, “It’s only going to work once every six minutes sweetheart.” When I registered what she was saying to me, and I’m sure it took a few minutes, I decided sleep seemed like a better option and just closed my eyes.

When I woke up, I really wasn’t in pain anymore. Until I looked at my phone and saw an obvious pocket-text message from my boss that said “L You” followed up with “Ah. Pocket dial. That sounded bad.”  Even in my recovery state of mind, I found this to be hysterical.

The only problem here is that laughing after a majority of your stomach has been removed doesn’t feel pleasant. So I would laugh, then cry out in pain and then laugh again. Such is the cycle. But honestly, I was completely off all pain medication within 48 hours.

Let me tell you peeps, recovering from surgery was a breeze. Recovering from a life-long food addiction was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. In fact, because I take pride on being the best drama queen I can be, there were moments when I seriously questioned whether I would ever feel joy in my life again. If I couldn’t eat what I wanted when I wanted to eat it, what would my life possibly be like? In the required two-week resting period, I ran through an array of emotions, including complete despair.  No exaggeration, I would lay in bed and dream of food.

But within a week, I was down 10 pounds. And then 20. One day I woke up and realized food wasn’t the first thing I thought of. It got easier and letting go of the hold food had over me meant I had so much more time and energy for other things. I hate to be so serious here but after everything I had been through, I finally landed on an emotion I could embrace.

Gratefulness.

I am so grateful to the team at the Bingham Memorial Weight Loss Center for treating me with compassion and supporting me through one of the most difficult phases of my life. I can’t name names because there are too many but, let me tell you, I owe these people my life. They took an overweight, self-doubting and self-hating person and turned me into someone who can’t wipe the smile off her face.

-->

I feel like I have the rest of my life to live now instead of hiding away in my room. My husband and I took our girls to Lagoon last October and I actually rode the rides. Well, all of them that didn’t require me having a death wish. For the first time in ten years, I just enjoyed being at an amusement park instead of spending the day convinced people were staring at me.  It this experience plus hundreds of others that bring joy to my life instead of food. 

Weight Loss Surgery

When we last met up in this space, I spent time telling you all how I decided to have a vertical sleeve gastrectomy, which is a surgical procedure to permanently reduce the size of the stomach. A smaller stomach fills up faster, making you feel full before you start overeating.  Using surgical staples to section off most of your stomach, the surgeon creates a long vertical tube (or "sleeve") about the size of a banana and disposes of the excess stomach for good.

Sounds drastic? I never really thought so even when unknowing people tried to tell me it was. What scared me the most was realizing how devastating it would be to wake up sixty years from now and know I failed at something that I desperately wanted.

When the medical team at Bingham Memorial Hospital approved me for surgery, I was ready to show up and get it done. The next day.  

But it’s not that easy. There are appointments with nutritionists, sessions with counselors and weigh-ins with the surgeon. When you’re living it, it feels like a lot of time. But there’s a reason Bingham Memorial has so many successful weight-loss patients. A lifetime of poor food choices isn’t going to be solved with surgery. The team puts in the time to make sure you will have all the skills you needed.

Skills I had no idea how to get on my own.

The first time I met with the nutritionist, she told me I would have to pick up some new hobbies. I eagerly nodded my head, but I really had no idea what she was talking about. Until I took a step back and realized how much time I spent eating and thinking about food.

If you and I ever went to lunch together, you probably wouldn’t think my food intake was that much different than yours. Because I spent a lot of time gauging how quickly lunch companions were eating and making sure I matched them bite for bite.  Then I would calculate the time to my next meal and I would make sure I could eat what I wanted then. Or I would come up with a reason to leave early so I could eat again before my next commitment. Now you know why I desperately needed a new hobby.

When I met with the counselor, he asked me about my support system. Once again, I put a smile on my face but couldn’t really comprehend how this was important. Let me tell you peeps, how difficult this process would be if my family was not onboard or had opted to enable me instead of holding me accountable for my food choices. My husband read all the materials I brought home and adjusted his life to match mine. My girls have never once complained about eating differently.  I’m so grateful for their support. I’ve read horror stories online of people who didn’t have the support system and found the journey too difficult to continue.

Two weeks leading up to surgery, you have to go on a very intense liver-shrinking diet. It was not pleasant for me but I kept telling myself I could make anything work for two weeks. When I lost ten pounds, I was proud but I knew I could never continue that diet long term. On with surgery.

Finally, the big day arrived. I practically bounced into the hospital. My smile didn’t change until I woke up and semi confused on what happened.  Instead of explaining it to me, my husband just recorded me on his phone. Needless to say, the video isn’t pleasant for me but he’s found it to be great entertainment at family functions.  In the next issue, I’ll go over what it means to have a double-digit weight loss and how I’m living a life I never even thought possible.

-->

Weighed Down

It is 3:30 a.m. in the Burke house. Please understand I don’t typically crawl out of bed to write.  Or do anything for that matter.  I like sleep way too much. But today I need to see darkness outside my windows and have a house full of sleeping people because I feel like I’m entering sacred territory.

Sacred territory? This must be intense.

It is, peeps. It is. I’m going to let you in on my battle and lay it all out on the line.

The truth is that I’ve given food way too much power in my life for far too long and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I’m tired of being overweight. My mom passed away from complications of a stroke at 54 and she was at a healthy weight. What am I setting myself up for by not being healthy?

I promise I’ve tried as many weight-loss programs as I could: Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, LA Weight Loss. I know they work for some people but I’ve failed at every single one of them.

I’m so lucky to have a good friend who loves me enough to tell me she thinks bariatric surgery would be a good option for me.

We were sitting at her house, when she said, “You need to watch this Youtube video.” All of sudden, I was watching a young girl describe my life exactly.  She loved food so much it began consuming her life, always thinking about the next meal and scheduling her life around it.

In other words, living to eat instead of eating to live. A feeling I know very well.  

She took back her life by having a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy, which is a surgery that removes a large portion of your stomach.

After hearing her story, I decided to talk to my husband about it.  He reacted exactly like I thought he would, adamant that a diet change and intense exercise is the right way.

Sigh. I love my husband. But he falls under the I-quit-pop-for-a-week-and-lost-30-pounds category.

I’m much more of the I-quit-pop-for-forever-and-gained-four-pounds person.

If only life was fair.

Knowing I would need his full support, I was contemplating my next move when twelve hours later, he called me and was so overcome with emotion he could barely speak.

Away for work, he has been sitting in a hotel watching ESPN when a documentary came on. It was about a group of professional athletes who attempted to complete a workout with eighty pounds of extra weight strapped to them. In the beginning, the participants were critical of being overweight and, through the show, their voices changed to expressing kindness for those struggling with extra weight.

Watching this had completely changed my man’s mind on his wife pursuing a medically-supervised weight loss surgery.

Wow. Since my husband is obsessed with sports, I’m usually like, “Babe, you know you’re not on the payroll, right? Stop screaming at the TV because the Denver Bronco coaches don’t care what you think.”

But in this case, I was like, “Thanks goodness for ESPN. Watch some more.”

So the next step was to attend the free seminar at Bingham Memorial Hospital.

On my way, I almost chickened out. You see, being overweight has amplified my anxiety to new levels. I don’t want to put myself in any situation where I feel vulnerable. But my dear friend, who initially expressed concern for me, was riding shotgun and wouldn’t let me turn around. When I tried, she threatened to roll down her window, throw her arms out of the car and scream like she was being kidnapped. 

I am so thankful for good friends.

At the seminar, the doctor explains all of the surgical weight loss options and stayed until every question has been answered.

I can’t tell a lie. On the way home, I wept. 

I was so overcome with hope I couldn’t take it. Instead of speaking out of judgment, Dr. Medvetz spoke with compassion. When others look at you with disgust, he treated every single person in the room with kindness.

Take it from me, you don’t find that everywhere. It was in that moment, I decided to move forward with my own Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy.

Am I scared? Yes.

But I’m more scared not to try.

If you want to watch my story in video form, go here: http://binghammemorial.org/katiesjourney